A gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college , signed up for classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.
When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade."
The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. "You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."
After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips
I TRULY DID NOT KNOW THIS!
Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.
SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS..
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU?
Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.
SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS..
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU?
Australian Tourism Website
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses from the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking
__________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is - oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.
Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
____________________________ ______________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal .
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
__________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking
__________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is - oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.
Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
____________________________ ______________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal .
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
__________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Emergency Room Stories
HARD TO BELIEVE, BUT THESE ARE ALL TRUE STORIES FROM EMERGENCY
ROOMS AROUND THE U.S.A :
FEMALE SOFA----- A 500 lb. Woman from Illinois was examined in a
Hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under
Her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote
Control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.
Eeewwwww.....
PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan , a man came into the ER with
Lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had '...a rat
In her privates...' which bit him during sex (not the first
Conclusion I would have drawn, I don't think). After an examination
Of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left
Inside her after a recent hysterectomy.
PING PONG ANYONE? ----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a
Stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were
Fooling around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of
Pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (you'd do the same,
I'm sure!)?!!. The concrete then hardened, (no sh*t Sherlock)!
Causing constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect
Concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong
Ball. (Boy - we live sheltered lives!)
BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER
Complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact
Lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always
Popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but
Without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the
Man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying
To rip out the membrane of his cornea. (Oh my gosh!)
OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH! ----- A couple hobbled into a Washington State
Emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his
Hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head.
They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that
Evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman
Crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man (Classy or
What??). While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused
Her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to
Side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed
Her in the head until she let go.
And you thought YOU were having a bad day!!
ROOMS AROUND THE U.S.A :
FEMALE SOFA----- A 500 lb. Woman from Illinois was examined in a
Hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under
Her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote
Control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.
Eeewwwww.....
PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan , a man came into the ER with
Lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had '...a rat
In her privates...' which bit him during sex (not the first
Conclusion I would have drawn, I don't think). After an examination
Of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left
Inside her after a recent hysterectomy.
PING PONG ANYONE? ----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a
Stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were
Fooling around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of
Pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (you'd do the same,
I'm sure!)?!!. The concrete then hardened, (no sh*t Sherlock)!
Causing constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect
Concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong
Ball. (Boy - we live sheltered lives!)
BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER
Complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact
Lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always
Popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but
Without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the
Man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying
To rip out the membrane of his cornea. (Oh my gosh!)
OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH! ----- A couple hobbled into a Washington State
Emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his
Hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head.
They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that
Evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman
Crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man (Classy or
What??). While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused
Her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to
Side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed
Her in the head until she let go.
And you thought YOU were having a bad day!!
Blonde joke
Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'
The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick.'
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'
The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick.'
Monday, January 5, 2009
Intermezzo
1) Pada suatu kunjungan di sebuah peternakan yang dilakukan oleh peserta seminar keluarga harmonis, seorang Pemandu Tapos menceritakan bahwa sapi ditempat tersebut sangat sehat dan kuat-kuat.
Pemandu : "Bapak&Ibu, ini sapi dari New Zealand, sangat kuat sehari bisa 5 kali berhubungan dengan sapi betina"
Ibu-ibu sambil nyenggol Bapaknya : "Tuh ! Pak 5 kali sehari, bisa nggak...?"
Pemandu : "Bapak dan Ibu, ini sapi Australia lebih kuat lagi, sehari bisa 10 kali !"
Ibu-ibu nyenggol lagi Bapaknya : "Tuh, Pak, 10 kali ! Bayangin !!!"
Bapak-bapak semakin panas dan tanya kepada pemandu.
Bapak-bapak: "Pak ... itu 10 kali dengan betinanya yang sama apa enggak ?"
Pemandu : "Ya... beda-beda dong, Pak !"
Bapak-bapak : "Tuh, Bu ! betinanya beda-beda
2) Si Andi kecil melihat mobil papanya lewat di depan sekolah dan
parkir di dekat semak belukar. Karena rasa ingin tahu yang besar,
Andi kecil mengendap-endap mendekati mobil papanya dan melihat
papanya dan Tante Nancy saling berpelukan di balik semak-semak.
Andi terus menikmati pertunjukkan itu sampai selesai. Dan ia merasa
sangat tegang dan tidak sabar untuk menceritakan pengalamannya
pada sang Mama.
Pulang sekolah, Andi langsung mencari Mamanya di dapur dan dengan
sangat antusias mengatakan, "Ma.. tadi Andi lihat Papa dan Tante Nancy
dekat semak-semak di depan sekolah. Andi pergi ke sana dan lihat Papa
ciumin bibir Tante Nancy dan ngebuka bajunya Tante Nancy, trus Tante
Nancy juga ngebukain celananya Papa, trus Tante Nancy......"
Pada saat tersebut sang Mama langsung memotong pembicaraan dan
mengatakan, "Nak, simpan dulu ceritamu ya! Mama mau denger lagi
nanti saat makan malam. Kita pengen lihat khan gimana wajah Papa
waktu dengerin cerita kamu ??" Dan si Andi kecil-pun setuju.
Pada saat makan malam si Andi kecil mulai bercerita lagi dari awal..
"Tadi Andi lihat Papa dan Tante Nancy dekat semak-semak di depan
sekolah. Andi pergi ke sana dan lihat papa ciumin bibir Tante Nancy,
dan ngebuka bajunya Tante Nancy. Trus Tante Nancy juga ngebuka'in
celananya Papa, trus Tante Nancy dan Papa mulai melakukan hal yang
pernah dilakukan Mama sama Om Dodi waktu Papa ke luar negeri itu lho..
Mama dan Papa, "?#$%?&?@?*??#??"...
(Makanya Ma.. kalo orang lain cerita, dengerin
dulu sampai habis.... baru respon...)
3) Seorang pria mengencani 3 orang wanita dan memutuskan untuk menikahi salah satu dari mereka.... Dia memberikan suatu test untuk ketiga wanita tersebut masing-masing wanita diberikannya uang 100 juta untuk dibelanjakan dan si pria akan melihat untuk apa uang tersebut digunakan.
Wanita 1
Wanita ini pergi ke salon yang mahal, dan membelanjakan uangnya untuk perawatan2 tubuh dan muka yg sangat mahal. Dan sisa uang dari perawatan dibelikan alat2 kosmetik yg ekslusif dan baju2 yg bagus sehingga ia terlihat sangat cantik didepan pria tersebut. Wanita ini berkata bahwa semua ini dia lakukan untuk membuatnya lebih menarik didepan sang pria dan karena ia sangat mencintai sang pria tersebut.
Si pria sangat terkesan.... .
Wanita 2
Wanita ini pergi membelanjakan uangnya untuk membeli peralatan golf yg bagus, baju2 pria yg mewah, dan seperangkat komputer yg canggih. Semua ini kemudian diberikan sebagai hadiah untuk sang pria. Ia berkata, ia membelanjakan semua uang tersebut untuk sang pria karena ia sangat mencintainya.
Si pria sangat terkesan.... .
Wanita 3
Wanita ini menginvestasikan uang yg diberikan sang pria ke bursa saham, dan ia mendapatkan keuntungan 2x lipat... dan ia mengembalikan uang yg diberikan kepada sang pria. Keuntungan yg diperoleh disimpannya di deposito bank atas nama mereka berdua. Dan hal tersebut ia lakukan untuk masa depan mereka berdua dan ia berkata bahwa sangat mencintai pria tersebut.
Si pria sangat terkesan.... .
Si pria berpikir sangat lama tentang keputusannya untuk menikahi wanita
yang menurutnya paling bijak dalam membelanjakan uang yg diberikannya. ..
Dan akhirnya.... ..
Ia memutuskan.. ...
Untuk menikahi wanita yg paling besar payudaranya. ...
uuuhh...
Pria tetap seorang Pria...!!
4)
Alkisah ada 3 anak putri: Vira, Voni, dan Veni yang dinikahkan
secaramassal oleh orangtuanya. Setelah itu mereka pergi bulan madu
bersamaan.
Kalau Vira pergi pulau Batam, Voni pergi ke Kepulauan Seribu dan
Veni sibungsu pergi ke Bali .
Namanya orang tua sayang sama anak, selama mereka berbulan madu kedua orang tua mereka minta dikirim kabar tentang segala yang terjadi selama
mereka berbulan madu. Tapi agar berita yang dikirim agar singkat dan tidak terlalu vulgar, mereka menggunakan kode/sandi tentang moto-moto iklan.
Dan biar praktis dan murah, disepakati pengiriman lewat SMS.
2 hari setelah kepergian anak mereka berbulan madu, diterimalah sebuah SMS.. yang rupanya dari VIRA di Pulau Batam. Isi beritanya cukup sederhana "STANDARD CHARTERED". Setelah membaca berita tersebut mereka mencari iklan Standard Chartered di koran dan terbacalah tulisan besar berbunyi
"BESAR,KUAT dan BERSAHABAT". Tersenyumlah kedua orang tua mereka membaca berita dari Vira.
Hari ke 4 datang SMS kedua, yang rupanya berasal dari Voni di Kepulauan Seribu..... Isi beritanya juga cukup singkat yaitu...NESCAFE.
Setelah membaca surat tersebut.. dengan tergesa-gesa kedua orang tua mereka mencari koran dan membaca iklan NESCAFE yang berbunyi "NIKMATNYA SAMPAI TETES TERAKHIR".
Maka kedua orang tua mereka pun tersenyum bahagia sambil sedikit
haha..hihi.
Hari ke 5 ditunggu tidak ada berita/SMS yang datang. Hari ke-6 begitu pula tidak ada sebuah SMS pun. Hari ke-7 begitu pula tidak ada kabar
dari anak bungsu mereka si Veni yang berbulan madu. Memasuki hari ke-8......
akhirnya kedua orangtua mereka menerima SMS juga dari Veni yang berbulan madu di Bali dan isi beritanya cukup singkat CATHAY PACIFIC!!!
Segera kedua orang tua mereka mencari iklan penerbangan Cathay Pacific yang ada di koran ... dan dijumpailah iklan penerbangan dengan tulisan besar "7 KALI SEMINGGU, 3 KALI SEHARI, 5 JAM NON-STOP.
Kedua orang tua tersebut langsung memanjatkan doa untuk keselamatan
anaknya yang bungsu itu.....
Scanned by the NetBox from NetBox Blue
Pemandu : "Bapak&Ibu, ini sapi dari New Zealand, sangat kuat sehari bisa 5 kali berhubungan dengan sapi betina"
Ibu-ibu sambil nyenggol Bapaknya : "Tuh ! Pak 5 kali sehari, bisa nggak...?"
Pemandu : "Bapak dan Ibu, ini sapi Australia lebih kuat lagi, sehari bisa 10 kali !"
Ibu-ibu nyenggol lagi Bapaknya : "Tuh, Pak, 10 kali ! Bayangin !!!"
Bapak-bapak semakin panas dan tanya kepada pemandu.
Bapak-bapak: "Pak ... itu 10 kali dengan betinanya yang sama apa enggak ?"
Pemandu : "Ya... beda-beda dong, Pak !"
Bapak-bapak : "Tuh, Bu ! betinanya beda-beda
2) Si Andi kecil melihat mobil papanya lewat di depan sekolah dan
parkir di dekat semak belukar. Karena rasa ingin tahu yang besar,
Andi kecil mengendap-endap mendekati mobil papanya dan melihat
papanya dan Tante Nancy saling berpelukan di balik semak-semak.
Andi terus menikmati pertunjukkan itu sampai selesai. Dan ia merasa
sangat tegang dan tidak sabar untuk menceritakan pengalamannya
pada sang Mama.
Pulang sekolah, Andi langsung mencari Mamanya di dapur dan dengan
sangat antusias mengatakan, "Ma.. tadi Andi lihat Papa dan Tante Nancy
dekat semak-semak di depan sekolah. Andi pergi ke sana dan lihat Papa
ciumin bibir Tante Nancy dan ngebuka bajunya Tante Nancy, trus Tante
Nancy juga ngebukain celananya Papa, trus Tante Nancy......"
Pada saat tersebut sang Mama langsung memotong pembicaraan dan
mengatakan, "Nak, simpan dulu ceritamu ya! Mama mau denger lagi
nanti saat makan malam. Kita pengen lihat khan gimana wajah Papa
waktu dengerin cerita kamu ??" Dan si Andi kecil-pun setuju.
Pada saat makan malam si Andi kecil mulai bercerita lagi dari awal..
"Tadi Andi lihat Papa dan Tante Nancy dekat semak-semak di depan
sekolah. Andi pergi ke sana dan lihat papa ciumin bibir Tante Nancy,
dan ngebuka bajunya Tante Nancy. Trus Tante Nancy juga ngebuka'in
celananya Papa, trus Tante Nancy dan Papa mulai melakukan hal yang
pernah dilakukan Mama sama Om Dodi waktu Papa ke luar negeri itu lho..
Mama dan Papa, "?#$%?&?@?*??#??"...
(Makanya Ma.. kalo orang lain cerita, dengerin
dulu sampai habis.... baru respon...)
3) Seorang pria mengencani 3 orang wanita dan memutuskan untuk menikahi salah satu dari mereka.... Dia memberikan suatu test untuk ketiga wanita tersebut masing-masing wanita diberikannya uang 100 juta untuk dibelanjakan dan si pria akan melihat untuk apa uang tersebut digunakan.
Wanita 1
Wanita ini pergi ke salon yang mahal, dan membelanjakan uangnya untuk perawatan2 tubuh dan muka yg sangat mahal. Dan sisa uang dari perawatan dibelikan alat2 kosmetik yg ekslusif dan baju2 yg bagus sehingga ia terlihat sangat cantik didepan pria tersebut. Wanita ini berkata bahwa semua ini dia lakukan untuk membuatnya lebih menarik didepan sang pria dan karena ia sangat mencintai sang pria tersebut.
Si pria sangat terkesan.... .
Wanita 2
Wanita ini pergi membelanjakan uangnya untuk membeli peralatan golf yg bagus, baju2 pria yg mewah, dan seperangkat komputer yg canggih. Semua ini kemudian diberikan sebagai hadiah untuk sang pria. Ia berkata, ia membelanjakan semua uang tersebut untuk sang pria karena ia sangat mencintainya.
Si pria sangat terkesan.... .
Wanita 3
Wanita ini menginvestasikan uang yg diberikan sang pria ke bursa saham, dan ia mendapatkan keuntungan 2x lipat... dan ia mengembalikan uang yg diberikan kepada sang pria. Keuntungan yg diperoleh disimpannya di deposito bank atas nama mereka berdua. Dan hal tersebut ia lakukan untuk masa depan mereka berdua dan ia berkata bahwa sangat mencintai pria tersebut.
Si pria sangat terkesan.... .
Si pria berpikir sangat lama tentang keputusannya untuk menikahi wanita
yang menurutnya paling bijak dalam membelanjakan uang yg diberikannya. ..
Dan akhirnya.... ..
Ia memutuskan.. ...
Untuk menikahi wanita yg paling besar payudaranya. ...
uuuhh...
Pria tetap seorang Pria...!!
4)
Alkisah ada 3 anak putri: Vira, Voni, dan Veni yang dinikahkan
secaramassal oleh orangtuanya. Setelah itu mereka pergi bulan madu
bersamaan.
Kalau Vira pergi pulau Batam, Voni pergi ke Kepulauan Seribu dan
Veni sibungsu pergi ke Bali .
Namanya orang tua sayang sama anak, selama mereka berbulan madu kedua orang tua mereka minta dikirim kabar tentang segala yang terjadi selama
mereka berbulan madu. Tapi agar berita yang dikirim agar singkat dan tidak terlalu vulgar, mereka menggunakan kode/sandi tentang moto-moto iklan.
Dan biar praktis dan murah, disepakati pengiriman lewat SMS.
2 hari setelah kepergian anak mereka berbulan madu, diterimalah sebuah SMS.. yang rupanya dari VIRA di Pulau Batam. Isi beritanya cukup sederhana "STANDARD CHARTERED". Setelah membaca berita tersebut mereka mencari iklan Standard Chartered di koran dan terbacalah tulisan besar berbunyi
"BESAR,KUAT dan BERSAHABAT". Tersenyumlah kedua orang tua mereka membaca berita dari Vira.
Hari ke 4 datang SMS kedua, yang rupanya berasal dari Voni di Kepulauan Seribu..... Isi beritanya juga cukup singkat yaitu...NESCAFE.
Setelah membaca surat tersebut.. dengan tergesa-gesa kedua orang tua mereka mencari koran dan membaca iklan NESCAFE yang berbunyi "NIKMATNYA SAMPAI TETES TERAKHIR".
Maka kedua orang tua mereka pun tersenyum bahagia sambil sedikit
haha..hihi.
Hari ke 5 ditunggu tidak ada berita/SMS yang datang. Hari ke-6 begitu pula tidak ada sebuah SMS pun. Hari ke-7 begitu pula tidak ada kabar
dari anak bungsu mereka si Veni yang berbulan madu. Memasuki hari ke-8......
akhirnya kedua orangtua mereka menerima SMS juga dari Veni yang berbulan madu di Bali dan isi beritanya cukup singkat CATHAY PACIFIC!!!
Segera kedua orang tua mereka mencari iklan penerbangan Cathay Pacific yang ada di koran ... dan dijumpailah iklan penerbangan dengan tulisan besar "7 KALI SEMINGGU, 3 KALI SEHARI, 5 JAM NON-STOP.
Kedua orang tua tersebut langsung memanjatkan doa untuk keselamatan
anaknya yang bungsu itu.....
Scanned by the NetBox from NetBox Blue
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Christmas Party
CHRISTMAS PARTY
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 21st October 2008
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $20.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 22nd October 2008
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM; Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 23rd October 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, 'AA Only', you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $20.00 is too much money and Management believe $20.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 24th October 2008
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply 'No Sugar' desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All F***ing Employees
DATE: 25th October 2008
RE: The F****ing Holiday Party.
Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the 'grill of death', as you so quaintly put it, you'll get your f***ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feelings too, They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.
The Bitch from HELL!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: John Benson.( Acting Human Resources Director )
TO: All Employees
DATE: 26th October 2008
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
John Benson
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 21st October 2008
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $20.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 22nd October 2008
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM; Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 23rd October 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, 'AA Only', you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $20.00 is too much money and Management believe $20.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 24th October 2008
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply 'No Sugar' desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All F***ing Employees
DATE: 25th October 2008
RE: The F****ing Holiday Party.
Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the 'grill of death', as you so quaintly put it, you'll get your f***ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feelings too, They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.
The Bitch from HELL!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: John Benson.( Acting Human Resources Director )
TO: All Employees
DATE: 26th October 2008
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
John Benson
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