Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Pembodohan Anak Bangsa

Anda tahu kenapa Indonesia tidak menjadi negara maju?

Karena rakyat  Indonesia sejak dini sudah didoktrin dengan lagu2 yang tidak
bermutu & mengandung banyak kesalahan, mengajarkan kerancuan, dan menurunkan
motivasi.

mari kita buktikan :
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
"Balonku ada 5... rupa-rupa
warnanya... merah, kuning, kelabu.. merah muda dan biru... meletus balon
hijau, dorrrr!!!"

Perhatikan warna-warna kelima balon tsb, kenapa tiba2 muncul warna hijau?

Jadi jumlah balon sebenarnya ada 6, bukan 5 ! -:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
"Aku seorang kapiten... mempunyai pedang panjang...kalo berjalan
prok..prok.. prok... aku seorang kapiten!"

Perhatikan di bait pertama  dia cerita tentang pedangnya, tapi di baitkedua
dia cerita tentang  sepatunya (inkonsistensi)
Harusnya dia tetap konsisten, misal jika  ingin cerita tentang sepatunya
seharusnya dia bernyanyi : "mempunyai  sepatu baja (bukan pedang panjang)..
kalo berjalan prok..prok.. prok.."
nah, itu baru klop! jika ingin cerita  tentang pedangnya, harusnya dia
bernyanyi : "mempunyai pedang panjang... kalo berjalan ndul..gondal.
 ..gandul.. atau srek.. srek.. srek.." itu baru sesuai dgn kondisi pedang  
panjangnya!
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
"Bangun tidur ku terus mandi.. tidak lupa menggosok gigi..
habis mandi ku  tolong ibu.. membersihkan tempat tidurku.." Perhatikan
setelah habis mandi langsung membersihkan tempat tidur.



Lagu ini membuat anak-anak tidak bisa terprogram secara baik dalam
menyelesaikan tugasnya dan selalu terburu-buru.
Sehabis mandi  seharusnya si anak pakai baju dulu dan tidak langsung
membersihkan tempat   tidur dalam kondisi basah dan telanjang!
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
"Naik-naik ke puncak gunung..
tinggi.. tinggi sekali..kiri kanan kulihat saja.. banyak pohon cemara.. 2X"

Lagu ini dapat membuat anak kecil kehilangan konsentrasi, semangat dan
motivasi!
Pada awal lagu terkesan semangat akan mendaki gunung yang tinggi tetapi
kemudian ternyata setelah melihat jalanan yg tajam mendaki lalu  jadi
 bingung dan gak tau mau berbuat apa, bisanya cuma noleh ke kiri ke kanan
aja, gak maju2!
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
"Naik kereta api tut..tut..tut. . siapa hendak turut ke Bandung ..
Sby..bolehlah naik dengan naik percuma..ayo kawanku lekas naik.. keretaku
tak  berhenti lama"

Nah, yg begini ini yg parah! mengajarkan anak-anak kalo sudah dewasa
 maunya gratis melulu.

Pantesan PJKA rugi terus! terutama jalur  Jakarta-Malang
danJakarta-Surabaya !
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
"Di pucuk pohon cempaka.. burung kutilang berbunyi.. bersiul2 sepanjanghari
dg tak jemu2..mengangguk2 sambil bernyanyi tri li li..li..li.. li..li.."

Ini juga menyesatkan dan tidak mengajarkan kepada anak2 akan realita yg
sebenarnya. Burung kutilang itu kalo nyanyi bunyinya cuit..cuit.. cuit !
kalo tri li li li li itu bunyi kalo yang nyanyi orang (catatan: acara lagu
anak2 dgn presenter agnes monica waktu dia masih kecil adalah Tra la la
trili li!), bukan burung!
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
"Pok ame ame.. belalang kupu2.. siang makan nasi, kalo malam minum susu.."

Ini jelas lagu dewasa dan tidak konsumsi anak2! karena yg disebutkan di
atas itu adalah kegiatan orang dewasa, bukan anak kecil. Kalo anak kecil,
karena belom boleh maem nasi, jadi gak pagi gak malem ya minum susu!
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
"Nina bobo nina bobo oh nina bobo... kalau tidak bobo digigit nyamuk"
menurut psikolog: jadi sekian  tahun anak2 indonesia diajak tidur dgn lagu
yg penuh nada mengancam
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
"Bintang kecil dilangit yg biru..." (Bintang khan adanya malem, lah kalo
malem mang warna langitnya biru?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
"Ibu kita Kartini...harum namanya" (Namanya Kartini atau Harum?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
"Pada hari minggu..naik delman istimewa kududuk di muka"
(Nah, gak sopan khan..masa duduk di  muka??)
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
"Cangkul-cangkul, cangkul yang dalam, menanam jagung dikebun kita..."
(kalo mau nanam jagung, ngapain dalam-dalam emang mo bikin sumur?
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT - USE THE SINK.

4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Life's tough!

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet school were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, 'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body.

As an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.

'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.

Life's tough! It's even tougher if you're not paying attention.'

Hidup Indonesia

* Ada pejabat indo berkunjung ke china n bertamu ke rumah pejabat cina.
Indo : "Rumah elo bagus banget~!! Gaji elo kan ga segede gini, gimana lo bisa bangun rumah sebagus ini?"
China :"ikut gua ke balkon. Liat tuh jembatan (nunjuk jembatan)"
Indo:"emang napa tuh jembatan?"
China :"10% dana tuh jembatan masuk ke kantong gua makanya gua bisa bangunrumah keren kayak gini."
Sebulan kemudian gantian pejabat china yg dateng ke tempat si pejabat indo.
China kaget ," gila rumah elo bagus banget padahal gaji elo kan lebih kecil dr gua"
Indo:"mau tau? ikut gua ke balkon. Liat tuh bendungan~!! "
China bingung, "Mana bendungannya? "
Indo:"emang kaga ada, kan dana bendungannya masuk kantong gua semua,jadi kaga gua bangun".

----- --------- --------- -
3 jendral besar sedang berkumpul di kapal induk militer AS yg sedang berlayar di laut lepas, ketiganya berasal dari negara yg berbeda dan sedang menyombongkan kehebatan pasukan negaranya masing2.
Jendral pertama yg dari Rusia memanggil anak buahnya, kemudian anak buahnyaitu disuruh berenang keliling kapal, lalu setelah selesai
jendral Rusiaberkata: "lihat kan prajurit kami,walaupun banyak hiu tapi dia tetapberani menantang bahaya"
Jendral AS gak mau kalah, dia panggil anak buahnya dan disuruh berenang keliling kapal 5x, setelah selesai dia pun membanggakan prajuritnya yg lebih berani dari prajurit Rusia.
Jendral Indonesiapun gak mau kalah, dia panggil anak buahnya dan disuruh keliling kapal 10 x.
Tiba2 anak buahnya berteriak pada jendralnya :
"pak, lo bego apa udah gila? ini kanbanyak hiunya tolol" lalu anak buahnya angsung pergi.
Jendral Indonesia senyum2 sumringah dan berkata sama ke-2 jendral lainnya: " liat tuh, berani kan ? mana ada anak buah lo yg berani
membangkang dan ngatain atasannya?"

------------ --------- --------- ----
Ceritanya, Saddam Husein pengen nakut-nakutin seluruh dunia.Caranya?
Dia memanggil panglimanya dan memerintahkan supaya seluruh pesawat yang ada dilapangan Baghdad dipasangin bom waktu.
Panglima : "Seluruhnya pak Saddam?"
Saddam : "Eh, Jangan. Ente ngga boleh masang bom waktu di pesawat Irak
sendiri, dan juga jangan di pasang di pesawat Garuda. Yang rugi kita juga".
Panglima : "Lah ! yang pertama Ok dah, tapi apa ruginya masang di Garuda? Apa kita takut ama mereka?
Saddam : "Bukan,.... soalnya Garuda suka telat. Entar meledaknya di sini juga........ ....

Sunday, April 20, 2008

CURTAIN RODS ---- PRICELESS

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home........

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!!!!!!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender."

*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash desired.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.


*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth.!!!!

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6 Attempt to insert card into machine.
7 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Plasma vs LCD (Real Facts)

Plasma vs LCD

The ADVANTAGES of Plasma over LCD are:

1. Larger screen size availability.

2. Better contrast ratio and ability to render deeper blacks.

3. Better color accuracy and saturation.

4. Better motion tracking (little or no motion lag in fast moving images).

The DISADVANTAGES of Plasma vs LCD include:

1. Plasma TVs are more susceptible to burn-in of static images.

2. Plasma TVs generate more heat than LCDs, due to the need to light of phosphors to create the images.

3. Does not perform as well at higher altitudes.

4. Shorter display life span (about 30,000 hours or 8 hrs of viewing a day for 9 years) than LCD. This can vary according to other environmental and use factors.

LCD television ADVANTAGES over Plasma include:

1. No burn-in of static images.

2. Cooler running temperature.

3. No high altitude use issues.

4. Increased image brightness over Plasma.

5. Longer display life (about 60,000 hours - at which time all you may need to do is replace the light source, not the entire set). This can vary according other environmental and use factors.

DISADVANTAGES of LCD vs Plasma televisions include:

1. Lower contrast ratio, not as good rendering deep blacks.

2. Not as good at tracking motion (fast moving objects may exhibit lag artifacts).

3. Not as available in large screen sizes above 37-inches

4. Although LCD televisions do not suffer from burn-in susceptibility, it is possible that individual pixels on an LCD televisions can burn out, causing small, visible, black or white dots to appear on the screen. Individual pixels cannot be repaired, the whole screen would need to be replaced at that point, if the individual pixel burnout becomes annoying to you.

5. LCD televisions are much more expensive than equivalent-sized Plasma televisions.

Energy-efficient windows

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind. Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them yet.

Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year, namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! "Helllooooo! !" (I told him). "It's been a year!"

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up...he hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the guarantee they made me. Bet he won't underestimate my intelligence again.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

The Chinese Detective

A man thought that his wife is cheating on him. Since he didn't have a lot of money to hire an expensive private investigator, he decided to go witha much cheaper one -- a Chinese man named Mr. Lee.The following day he received following report:

Most honorable sir:

You leave house. I watch house. he come to house. I watch. He and sheleave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look inwindow. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall off tree. I not see.

No fee,

Chen Lee

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Hint for payrise

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately.

I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of your worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company .

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon



Response from his boss:

I kNOw you have been working very hard.

NOwadays, NOthing much has changed.

You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet .

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession.

After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad .

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean ..

Arti Nama2 Kota di dunia

Setelah diselidiki, kota2 dunia punya arti dalam...

HOLLAND: Hope Our Love Last And Never Dies..
ITALY: I Trust And Love You..
FRANCE: Friendship Remain And Never Can End...
MANILA: May All Night Inspire Love Always...
JAKARTA: Jambret Ada, Koruptor Ada, Rampok Tentu Ada