Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy."Paddy replies, "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then."
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face."Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, "Shoite, Shoite!"He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face. "Bi 'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked," he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way".He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed."He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "Fock it" and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?"Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?""Mick phoned... you left your wheelchair at the pub!"
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Woman's brain
Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works?
Well....it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration (Click to see the animation) :
Well....it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration (Click to see the animation) :
Every single one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.
A man has only 2 balls and they pretty much take up all his thoughts.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Advantage of being old
At 85 years of age, Roger married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himselfif they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock' on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite asone. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Roger, Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Roger Is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other.
But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I Am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often.I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.'
Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I was here already?'
The moral of the story:
Don't be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer's has its advantages.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock' on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite asone. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Roger, Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Roger Is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other.
But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I Am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often.I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.'
Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I was here already?'
The moral of the story:
Don't be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer's has its advantages.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Mail for God
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
The letter read:
Dear God,
I am an 93 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension cheque. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited my only living friend over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely, Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers.. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few quid. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $95, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went.
A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.
It read:
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friend. We had a very nice day and I told my friend of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $5 missing. I think it was those thiefs at the Post Office. Edna
The letter read:
Dear God,
I am an 93 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension cheque. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited my only living friend over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
Sincerely, Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers.. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few quid. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $95, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went.
A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.
It read:
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friend. We had a very nice day and I told my friend of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $5 missing. I think it was those thiefs at the Post Office. Edna
Monday, December 3, 2007
It's your call
This is the transcription of the ACTUAL radio conversation between the British and the Irish off the coast of Kerry, Ireland October 1998.
Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-98.
IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
BRITISH: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
IRISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
BRITISH: This is the Captain of a British Navy Ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
IRISH: Negative. I say again, you will have to divert YOUR course.
BRITISH: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER HMS BRITIANNIA! THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE BRITISH ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. DEMAND YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 1 5 DEGREES NORTH. I SAY AGAIN, THAT IS 15 DEGREES NORTH OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
IRISH: We are a Lighthouse........................Your call
Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-98.
IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
BRITISH: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
IRISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
BRITISH: This is the Captain of a British Navy Ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
IRISH: Negative. I say again, you will have to divert YOUR course.
BRITISH: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER HMS BRITIANNIA! THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE BRITISH ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. DEMAND YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 1 5 DEGREES NORTH. I SAY AGAIN, THAT IS 15 DEGREES NORTH OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
IRISH: We are a Lighthouse........................Your call
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Two Ill Men
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.His bed was next to the room ' s only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end.They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind ' s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days, weeks and months passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.
"It faced a blank wall."
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can ' t buy.
"Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present ."
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.His bed was next to the room ' s only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end.They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind ' s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days, weeks and months passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.
"It faced a blank wall."
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can ' t buy.
"Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present ."
Sunday, November 25, 2007
The Colonoscopy
All the organs of the body were having a meeting,trying to decide who was the one in charge.
'I should be in charge,' said the brain,'Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen.
'I should be in charge,' said the blood ,'because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away.
'I should be in charge,' said the stomach ,'because I process food and give all of you energy.
'I should be in charge,' said the legs,'because I carry the body wherever it needs to go.
'I should be in charge,' said the eyes,'Because I allow the body to see where it goes.
'I should be in charge,' said the rectum,'Because I'm responsible for waste removal.
'All the other body parts laughed at the rectumand insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days,the brain had a terrible headache,the stomach was bloated,the legs got wobbly,the eyes got watery,and the blood was toxic.They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of the story?The ass hole is usually the one in charge!
'I should be in charge,' said the brain,'Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen.
'I should be in charge,' said the blood ,'because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away.
'I should be in charge,' said the stomach ,'because I process food and give all of you energy.
'I should be in charge,' said the legs,'because I carry the body wherever it needs to go.
'I should be in charge,' said the eyes,'Because I allow the body to see where it goes.
'I should be in charge,' said the rectum,'Because I'm responsible for waste removal.
'All the other body parts laughed at the rectumand insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days,the brain had a terrible headache,the stomach was bloated,the legs got wobbly,the eyes got watery,and the blood was toxic.They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
The Moral of the story?The ass hole is usually the one in charge!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10.Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up .
18. Procrastinate Now!
19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27. The trouble with life is there's no background music .
28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Weston.
29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10.Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up .
18. Procrastinate Now!
19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27. The trouble with life is there's no background music .
28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Weston.
29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Right Brain vs Left Brain
THE Right Brain vs Left Brain test
LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS uses logic - detail oriented - facts rule - words and language - present and past - math and science - can comprehend - knowing - acknowledges - order/pattern perception - knows object name - reality based - forms strategies - practical - safe
RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS - uses feeling - "big picture" oriented - imagination rules - symbols and images - present and future - philosophy & religion - can "get it" (i.e. meaning) - believes - appreciates - spatial perception - knows object function - fantasy based - presents possibilities - impetuous - risk taking
... do you see the dancer turning clockwise or anti-clockwise?If clockwise, then you use more of the right side of the brain and vice versa. Most of us would see the dancer turning anti-clockwise though you can try to focus and change the direction; see if you can do it.
LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS uses logic - detail oriented - facts rule - words and language - present and past - math and science - can comprehend - knowing - acknowledges - order/pattern perception - knows object name - reality based - forms strategies - practical - safe
RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS - uses feeling - "big picture" oriented - imagination rules - symbols and images - present and future - philosophy & religion - can "get it" (i.e. meaning) - believes - appreciates - spatial perception - knows object function - fantasy based - presents possibilities - impetuous - risk taking
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Computer Easter Eggs
We can't create a folder called " CON "
For those of you using Windows, do the following:
1.) Open an empty notepad file
2.) Type "Bush hid the facts" (without the quotes)
3.) Save it as whatever you want.
4.) Close it, and re-open it.
Is it just a really weird bug? Confused?
This was discovered by a Brazilian. Try it outyourself...
Open Microsoft Word and type =rand (200, 99) And then press ENTER
For those of you using Windows, do the following:
1.) Open an empty notepad file
2.) Type "Bush hid the facts" (without the quotes)
3.) Save it as whatever you want.
4.) Close it, and re-open it.
Is it just a really weird bug? Confused?
This was discovered by a Brazilian. Try it outyourself...
Open Microsoft Word and type =rand (200, 99) And then press ENTER
Gombal dan garing
Cowok : Mbak jangan pegangan sama besi kereta..
Cewek : Emang kenapa..?
Cowok : Kayaknya besinya kotor tuh.. pegangan sama aku aja... )
Cowok: Maaf mba, jangan terlalu lama duduk dikursiitu, pindah dideket saya aja
Cewek: Loh?? kenapa??
Cowok: Takut dikerubung semut.. soalnya mba manis..
Cowok : Mbak, orang tuanya pengrajin bantal ya..?
Cewek : Hah..!!!? bukan..Emang kenapa..?
Cowok : kok kalo deket sama mbak rasanya nyaman yach..
Cowok : Mbak jangan ngomong ya..
Cewek : Lho.. emang kenapa..?
Cowok : Karena biasanya aku malemnya enggak bisa tidur.. kalo abis denger suara dari bibir yang indah...
Cowok : Mbak bajunya enggak pernah disetrika ya..?
Cewek : Enak aja... emang kenapa..?
Cowok : biasanya kalo cewek udah cantik enggak perlu lagi nyetrika baju..
Cowok: "kamu itu seperti sendok..."
Cewek: "Kenapa?"
Cowok: "Karena kamu ngaduk-ngaduk perasaan aku..."
Cowok: "Kamu sekali-sekali nyuci piring dooonk"
Cewek: "Hah? emang kenapa ?"
Cowok: "Ini tangan kamu terlalu lembut..."
Cowok: "Kamu pasti enggak pernah maen bola ya.."
Cewek: "Iya laaah.. emang kenapa...?"
Cowok: "Soalnya kaki kamu bagus banget...."
Cowok: "Mbak punya uang koin ? Boleh minta ?"
Cewek: "Buat apa ?"
Cowok: "Aku udah janji sama ibu kalau aku akan menelepon dia bila aku jatuh cinta"
Cowo: Eh eh.. gw ada tebakan neh
Cewe: *excited* .. ok ok.. apa tebakannya
Cowo: Panda apa yang paling imut manis dan lucu?
Cewe: Semua panda mah imut kali..
Cowo: Engga.. ada satu yg paling ga ngebosenin..
Cewe: Nyerah deh..Cowo: Panda-ngin kamu sepanjang hari..
Cewe: Ah.. abang ah.. (malumalubego)
Cowo: DD (cangengesan kaya kuda nyengir)
Jack : Dewi kok kamu msh marah sih ama aku ? katanya kamu selalu memberikan seribu maaf untukku ?
Dewi : Sapa suruh mau percaya ? kamu bodoh yah...
Jack : Emang aku ini bodoh...tapi aku bukan org bodoh yang menyukai dirimu..
Dewi : ...........
Co: knapa malem ini gelap banget ya
Ce: mendung kali bang
Co: kyknya nggak dech
Ce: trus napa bang
Co: soalnya bulannya sedang menerangi & menemaniku disini
Co: kemarin aku liat ada 1000 bintang di langit (ngomong sama cwe)
Ce: ah yang bener??
Co: iya bener, tapi sekarang tinggal 998 bintang...
Ce: lho...kow bisa ilang dua?
Co: iya 2 bintang yang ilang itu ternyata ada di dalam mata kamu (sambil liat matanya dalam2)
Cewek : Emang kenapa..?
Cowok : Kayaknya besinya kotor tuh.. pegangan sama aku aja... )
Cowok: Maaf mba, jangan terlalu lama duduk dikursiitu, pindah dideket saya aja
Cewek: Loh?? kenapa??
Cowok: Takut dikerubung semut.. soalnya mba manis..
Cowok : Mbak, orang tuanya pengrajin bantal ya..?
Cewek : Hah..!!!? bukan..Emang kenapa..?
Cowok : kok kalo deket sama mbak rasanya nyaman yach..
Cowok : Mbak jangan ngomong ya..
Cewek : Lho.. emang kenapa..?
Cowok : Karena biasanya aku malemnya enggak bisa tidur.. kalo abis denger suara dari bibir yang indah...
Cowok : Mbak bajunya enggak pernah disetrika ya..?
Cewek : Enak aja... emang kenapa..?
Cowok : biasanya kalo cewek udah cantik enggak perlu lagi nyetrika baju..
Cowok: "kamu itu seperti sendok..."
Cewek: "Kenapa?"
Cowok: "Karena kamu ngaduk-ngaduk perasaan aku..."
Cowok: "Kamu sekali-sekali nyuci piring dooonk"
Cewek: "Hah? emang kenapa ?"
Cowok: "Ini tangan kamu terlalu lembut..."
Cowok: "Kamu pasti enggak pernah maen bola ya.."
Cewek: "Iya laaah.. emang kenapa...?"
Cowok: "Soalnya kaki kamu bagus banget...."
Cowok: "Mbak punya uang koin ? Boleh minta ?"
Cewek: "Buat apa ?"
Cowok: "Aku udah janji sama ibu kalau aku akan menelepon dia bila aku jatuh cinta"
Cowo: Eh eh.. gw ada tebakan neh
Cewe: *excited* .. ok ok.. apa tebakannya
Cowo: Panda apa yang paling imut manis dan lucu?
Cewe: Semua panda mah imut kali..
Cowo: Engga.. ada satu yg paling ga ngebosenin..
Cewe: Nyerah deh..Cowo: Panda-ngin kamu sepanjang hari..
Cewe: Ah.. abang ah.. (malumalubego)
Cowo: DD (cangengesan kaya kuda nyengir)
Jack : Dewi kok kamu msh marah sih ama aku ? katanya kamu selalu memberikan seribu maaf untukku ?
Dewi : Sapa suruh mau percaya ? kamu bodoh yah...
Jack : Emang aku ini bodoh...tapi aku bukan org bodoh yang menyukai dirimu..
Dewi : ...........
Co: knapa malem ini gelap banget ya
Ce: mendung kali bang
Co: kyknya nggak dech
Ce: trus napa bang
Co: soalnya bulannya sedang menerangi & menemaniku disini
Co: kemarin aku liat ada 1000 bintang di langit (ngomong sama cwe)
Ce: ah yang bener??
Co: iya bener, tapi sekarang tinggal 998 bintang...
Ce: lho...kow bisa ilang dua?
Co: iya 2 bintang yang ilang itu ternyata ada di dalam mata kamu (sambil liat matanya dalam2)
Dua orang yang baik, tapi, mengapa perkawinan tidak berakhir bahagia
Ibu saya adalah seorang yang sangat baik, sejak kecil, saya melihatnyadengan begitu gigih menjaga keutuhan keluarga. Ia selalu bangun dinihari, memasak bubur yang panas untuk ayah, karena lambung ayah tidakbaik, pagi hari hanya bisa makan bubur.
Setelah itu, masih harus memasak sepanci nasi untuk anak-anak, karenaanak-anak sedang dalam masa pertumbuhan, perlu makan nasi, dengan begitubaru tidak akan lapar seharian di sekolah.
Setiap sore, ibu selalu membungkukkan nbadan menyikat panci, setiappanci di rumah kami bisa dijadikan cermin, tidak ada noda sedikikt pun.
Menjelang malam, dengan giat ibu membersihkan lantai, mengepel seincidemi seinci, lantai di rumah tampak lebih bersih dibanding sisi tempattidur orang lain, tiada debu sedikit pun meski berjalan dengan kakitelanjang.
Ibu saya adalah seorang wanita yang sangat rajin.
Namun, di mata ayahku, ia (ibu) bukan pasangan yang baik.
Dalam proses pertumbuhan saya, tidak hanya sekali saja ayah selalumenyatakan kesepiannya dalam perkawinan, tidak memahaminya.
Ayah saya adalah seorang laki-laki yang bertanggung jawab.
Ia tidak merokok, tidak minum-minuman keras, serius dalam pekerjaan,setiap hari berangkat kerja tepat waktu, bahkan saat libur juga masihmengatur jadwal sekolah anak-anak, mengatur waktu istrirahat anak-anak,ia adalah seorang ayah yang penuh tanggung jawab, mendorong anak-anakuntuk berpretasi dalam pelajaran.
Ia suka main catur, suka larut dalam dunia buku-buku kuno.
Ayah saya adalah seoang laki-laki yang baik, di mata anak-anak, ia mahabesar seperti langit, menjaga kami, melindungi kami dan mendidik kami.
Hanya saja, di mata ibuku, ia juga bukan seorang pasangan yang baik,dalam proses pertumbuhan saya, kerap kali saya melihat ibu menangisterisak secara diam diam di sudut halaman.
Ayah menyatakannya dengan kata-kata, sedang ibu dengan aksi, menyatakankepedihan yang dijalani dalam perkawinan.
Dalam proses pertumbuhan, aku melihat juga mendengar ketidakberdayaandalam perkawinan ayah dan ibu, sekaligus merasakan betapa baiknyamereka, dan mereka layak mendapatkan sebuah perkawinan yang baik.
Sayangnya, dalam masa-masa keberadaan ayah di dunia, kehidupanperkawinan mereka lalui dalam kegagalan, sedangkan aku, juga tumbuhdalam kebingungan, dan aku bertanya pada diriku sendiri : Dua orang yangbaik mengapa tidak diiringi dengan perkawinan yang bahagia?
Pengorbanan yang dianggap benar.
Setelah dewasa, saya akhirnya memasuki usia perkawinan, dan secaraperlahan -lahan saya pun mengetahui akan jawaban ini.
Di masa awal perkawinan, saya juga sama seperti ibu, berusaha menjagakeutuhan keluarga, menyikat panci dan membersihkan lantai, dengansungguh-sungguh berusaha memelihara perkawinan sendiri.
Anehnya, saya tidak merasa bahagia ; dan suamiku sendiri, sepertinyajuga tidak bahagia.
Saya merenung, mungkin lantai kurang bersih, masakan tidak enak, lalu,dengan giat saya membersihkan lantai lagi, dan memasak dengan sepenuhhati.
Namun, rasanya, kami berdua tetap saja tidak bahagia.
Hingga suatu hari, ketika saya sedang sibuk membersihkan lantai, suamisaya berkata : istriku, temani aku sejenak mendengar alunan musik!
Dengan mimik tidak senang saya berkata : apa tidak melihat masih adaseparoh lantai lagi yang belum di pel ?
Begitu kata-kata ini terlontar, saya pun termenung, kata-kata yangsangat tidak asing di telinga, dalam perkawinan ayah dan ibu saya, ibujuga kerap berkata begitu sama ayah.
Saya sedang mempertunjukkan kembali perkawinan ayah dan ibu, sekaligusmengulang kembali ketidakbahagiaan dalam perkwinan mereka.
Ada beberapa kesadaran muncul dalam hati saya.
Yang kamu inginkan ?
Saya hentikan sejenak pekerjaan saya, lalu memandang suamiku, danteringat akan ayah saya... Ia selalu tidak mendapatkan pasangan yang diainginkan dalam perkawinannya,
Waktu ibu menyikat panci lebih lama daripada menemaninya.
Terus menerus mengerjakan urusan rumah tangga, adalah cara ibu dalammempertahankan perkawinan, ia memberi ayah sebuah rumah yang bersih,namun, jarang menemaninya, sibuk mengurus rumah, ia berusaha mencintaiayah dengan caranya, dan cara ini adalah mengerjakan urusan rumahtangga.
Dan aku, aku juga menggunakan caraku berusaha mencintai suamiku.
Cara saya juga sama seperti ibu, perkawinan saya sepertinya tengahmelangkah ke dalam sebuah cerita, dua orang yang baik mengapa tidakdiiringi dengan perkawinan yang bahagia.
Kesadaran saya membuat saya membuat keputusan (pilihan) yang sama.
Saya hentikan sejenak pekerjaan saya, lalu duduk di sisi suami,menemaninya mendengar musik, dan dari kejauhan, saat memandangi kain peldi atas lantai seperti menatapi nasib ibu.
Saya bertanya pada suamiku : apa yang kau butuhkan ?
Aku membutuhkanmu untuk menemaniku mendengar musik, rumah kotor sedikittidak apa-apa-lah, nanti saya carikan pembantu untukmu, dengan begitukau bisa menemaniku! ujar suamiku.
Saya kira kamu perlu rumah yang bersih, ada yang memasak untukmu, adayang mencuci pakianmu....dan saya mengatakan sekaligus serentetanhal-hal yang dibutuhkannya.
Semua itu tidak penting-lah!ujar suamiku. Yang paling kuharapkan adalahkau bisa lebih sering menemaniku.
Ternyata sia-sia semua pekerjaan yang saya lakukan, hasilnya benar-benarmembuat saya terkejut. Kami meneruskan menikamti kebutuhanmasing-masing, dan baru saya sadariternyata dia juga telah banyak melakukan pekerjaan yang sia-sia, kamimemiliki cara masing-masing bagaimana mencintai, namun, bukannya carapihak kedua.
Jalan kebahagiaan
Sejak itu, saya menderetkan sebuah daftar kebutuhan suami, danmeletakkanya di atas meja buku, begitu juga dengan suamiku, dia jugamenderetkan sebuah daftarkebutuhanku.
Puluhan kebutuhan yang panjang lebar dan jelas, seperti misalnya, waktusenggang menemani pihak kedua mendengar musik, saling memeluk kalausempat, setiap pagi memberi sentuhan selamat jalan bila berangkat.
Beberapa hal cukup mudah dilaksanakan, tapi ada juga yang cukup sulit,misalnya dengarkan aku, jangan memberi komentar.
Ini adalah kebutuhan suami. Kalau saya memberinya usul, dia bilang akanmerasa dirinya akan tampak seperti orang bodoh.
Menurutku, ini benar-benar masalah gengsi laki-laki.
Saya juga meniru suami tidak memberikan usul, kecuali dia bertanya padasaya, kalau tidak saya hanya boleh mendengar dengan serius, menurutsampai tuntas, demikian juga ketika salah jalan.
Bagi saya ini benar-benar sebuah jalan yang sulit dipelajari, namun,jauh lebih santai daripada mengepel, dan dalam kepuasan kebutuhan kamiini, perkawinan yang kami jalani juga kian hari semakin penuh dayahidup.
Saat saya lelah, saya memilih beberapa hal yang gampang dikerjakan,misalnya menyetel musik ringan, dan kalau lagi segar bugar merancangperjalanan keluar kota.
Menariknya, pergi ke taman flora adalah hal bersama dan kebutuhan kami,setiap ada pertikaian, selalu pergi ke taman flora, dan selalu bisamenghibur gejolak hati masing-masing.
Sebenarnya, kami saling mengenal dan mencintai juga dikarenakan kesukaankami pada taman flora, lalu bersama kita menapak ke tirai merahperkawinan, kembali ke taman bisa kembali ke dalam suasana hati yangsaling mencintai bertahun-tahun silam.
Bertanya pada pihak kedua : apa yang kau inginkan, kata-kata ini telahmenghidupkan sebuah jalan kebahagiaan lain dalam perkawinan. Keduanyaakhirnya melangkah ke jalan bahagia.
Kini, saya tahu kenapa perkawinan ayah ibu tidak bisa bahagia, merekaterlalu bersikeras menggunakan cara sendiri dalam mencintai pihak kedua,bukan mencintai pasangannya dengan cara pihak kedua.
Diri sendiri lelahnya setengah mati, namun, pihak kedua tidak dapatmerasakannya, akhirnya ketika menghadapi penantian perkawinan, hati inijuga sudah kecewa dan hancur.
Karena Tuhan telah menciptakan perkawinan, maka menurut saya, setiaporang pantas dan layak memiliki sebuah perkawinan yang bahagia, asalkancara yang kita pakai itu tepat, menjadi orang yang dibutuhkan pihakkedua! Bukannya memberi atas keinginan kita sendiri, perkawinan yangbaik, pasti dapat diharapkan.
Setelah itu, masih harus memasak sepanci nasi untuk anak-anak, karenaanak-anak sedang dalam masa pertumbuhan, perlu makan nasi, dengan begitubaru tidak akan lapar seharian di sekolah.
Setiap sore, ibu selalu membungkukkan nbadan menyikat panci, setiappanci di rumah kami bisa dijadikan cermin, tidak ada noda sedikikt pun.
Menjelang malam, dengan giat ibu membersihkan lantai, mengepel seincidemi seinci, lantai di rumah tampak lebih bersih dibanding sisi tempattidur orang lain, tiada debu sedikit pun meski berjalan dengan kakitelanjang.
Ibu saya adalah seorang wanita yang sangat rajin.
Namun, di mata ayahku, ia (ibu) bukan pasangan yang baik.
Dalam proses pertumbuhan saya, tidak hanya sekali saja ayah selalumenyatakan kesepiannya dalam perkawinan, tidak memahaminya.
Ayah saya adalah seorang laki-laki yang bertanggung jawab.
Ia tidak merokok, tidak minum-minuman keras, serius dalam pekerjaan,setiap hari berangkat kerja tepat waktu, bahkan saat libur juga masihmengatur jadwal sekolah anak-anak, mengatur waktu istrirahat anak-anak,ia adalah seorang ayah yang penuh tanggung jawab, mendorong anak-anakuntuk berpretasi dalam pelajaran.
Ia suka main catur, suka larut dalam dunia buku-buku kuno.
Ayah saya adalah seoang laki-laki yang baik, di mata anak-anak, ia mahabesar seperti langit, menjaga kami, melindungi kami dan mendidik kami.
Hanya saja, di mata ibuku, ia juga bukan seorang pasangan yang baik,dalam proses pertumbuhan saya, kerap kali saya melihat ibu menangisterisak secara diam diam di sudut halaman.
Ayah menyatakannya dengan kata-kata, sedang ibu dengan aksi, menyatakankepedihan yang dijalani dalam perkawinan.
Dalam proses pertumbuhan, aku melihat juga mendengar ketidakberdayaandalam perkawinan ayah dan ibu, sekaligus merasakan betapa baiknyamereka, dan mereka layak mendapatkan sebuah perkawinan yang baik.
Sayangnya, dalam masa-masa keberadaan ayah di dunia, kehidupanperkawinan mereka lalui dalam kegagalan, sedangkan aku, juga tumbuhdalam kebingungan, dan aku bertanya pada diriku sendiri : Dua orang yangbaik mengapa tidak diiringi dengan perkawinan yang bahagia?
Pengorbanan yang dianggap benar.
Setelah dewasa, saya akhirnya memasuki usia perkawinan, dan secaraperlahan -lahan saya pun mengetahui akan jawaban ini.
Di masa awal perkawinan, saya juga sama seperti ibu, berusaha menjagakeutuhan keluarga, menyikat panci dan membersihkan lantai, dengansungguh-sungguh berusaha memelihara perkawinan sendiri.
Anehnya, saya tidak merasa bahagia ; dan suamiku sendiri, sepertinyajuga tidak bahagia.
Saya merenung, mungkin lantai kurang bersih, masakan tidak enak, lalu,dengan giat saya membersihkan lantai lagi, dan memasak dengan sepenuhhati.
Namun, rasanya, kami berdua tetap saja tidak bahagia.
Hingga suatu hari, ketika saya sedang sibuk membersihkan lantai, suamisaya berkata : istriku, temani aku sejenak mendengar alunan musik!
Dengan mimik tidak senang saya berkata : apa tidak melihat masih adaseparoh lantai lagi yang belum di pel ?
Begitu kata-kata ini terlontar, saya pun termenung, kata-kata yangsangat tidak asing di telinga, dalam perkawinan ayah dan ibu saya, ibujuga kerap berkata begitu sama ayah.
Saya sedang mempertunjukkan kembali perkawinan ayah dan ibu, sekaligusmengulang kembali ketidakbahagiaan dalam perkwinan mereka.
Ada beberapa kesadaran muncul dalam hati saya.
Yang kamu inginkan ?
Saya hentikan sejenak pekerjaan saya, lalu memandang suamiku, danteringat akan ayah saya... Ia selalu tidak mendapatkan pasangan yang diainginkan dalam perkawinannya,
Waktu ibu menyikat panci lebih lama daripada menemaninya.
Terus menerus mengerjakan urusan rumah tangga, adalah cara ibu dalammempertahankan perkawinan, ia memberi ayah sebuah rumah yang bersih,namun, jarang menemaninya, sibuk mengurus rumah, ia berusaha mencintaiayah dengan caranya, dan cara ini adalah mengerjakan urusan rumahtangga.
Dan aku, aku juga menggunakan caraku berusaha mencintai suamiku.
Cara saya juga sama seperti ibu, perkawinan saya sepertinya tengahmelangkah ke dalam sebuah cerita, dua orang yang baik mengapa tidakdiiringi dengan perkawinan yang bahagia.
Kesadaran saya membuat saya membuat keputusan (pilihan) yang sama.
Saya hentikan sejenak pekerjaan saya, lalu duduk di sisi suami,menemaninya mendengar musik, dan dari kejauhan, saat memandangi kain peldi atas lantai seperti menatapi nasib ibu.
Saya bertanya pada suamiku : apa yang kau butuhkan ?
Aku membutuhkanmu untuk menemaniku mendengar musik, rumah kotor sedikittidak apa-apa-lah, nanti saya carikan pembantu untukmu, dengan begitukau bisa menemaniku! ujar suamiku.
Saya kira kamu perlu rumah yang bersih, ada yang memasak untukmu, adayang mencuci pakianmu....dan saya mengatakan sekaligus serentetanhal-hal yang dibutuhkannya.
Semua itu tidak penting-lah!ujar suamiku. Yang paling kuharapkan adalahkau bisa lebih sering menemaniku.
Ternyata sia-sia semua pekerjaan yang saya lakukan, hasilnya benar-benarmembuat saya terkejut. Kami meneruskan menikamti kebutuhanmasing-masing, dan baru saya sadariternyata dia juga telah banyak melakukan pekerjaan yang sia-sia, kamimemiliki cara masing-masing bagaimana mencintai, namun, bukannya carapihak kedua.
Jalan kebahagiaan
Sejak itu, saya menderetkan sebuah daftar kebutuhan suami, danmeletakkanya di atas meja buku, begitu juga dengan suamiku, dia jugamenderetkan sebuah daftarkebutuhanku.
Puluhan kebutuhan yang panjang lebar dan jelas, seperti misalnya, waktusenggang menemani pihak kedua mendengar musik, saling memeluk kalausempat, setiap pagi memberi sentuhan selamat jalan bila berangkat.
Beberapa hal cukup mudah dilaksanakan, tapi ada juga yang cukup sulit,misalnya dengarkan aku, jangan memberi komentar.
Ini adalah kebutuhan suami. Kalau saya memberinya usul, dia bilang akanmerasa dirinya akan tampak seperti orang bodoh.
Menurutku, ini benar-benar masalah gengsi laki-laki.
Saya juga meniru suami tidak memberikan usul, kecuali dia bertanya padasaya, kalau tidak saya hanya boleh mendengar dengan serius, menurutsampai tuntas, demikian juga ketika salah jalan.
Bagi saya ini benar-benar sebuah jalan yang sulit dipelajari, namun,jauh lebih santai daripada mengepel, dan dalam kepuasan kebutuhan kamiini, perkawinan yang kami jalani juga kian hari semakin penuh dayahidup.
Saat saya lelah, saya memilih beberapa hal yang gampang dikerjakan,misalnya menyetel musik ringan, dan kalau lagi segar bugar merancangperjalanan keluar kota.
Menariknya, pergi ke taman flora adalah hal bersama dan kebutuhan kami,setiap ada pertikaian, selalu pergi ke taman flora, dan selalu bisamenghibur gejolak hati masing-masing.
Sebenarnya, kami saling mengenal dan mencintai juga dikarenakan kesukaankami pada taman flora, lalu bersama kita menapak ke tirai merahperkawinan, kembali ke taman bisa kembali ke dalam suasana hati yangsaling mencintai bertahun-tahun silam.
Bertanya pada pihak kedua : apa yang kau inginkan, kata-kata ini telahmenghidupkan sebuah jalan kebahagiaan lain dalam perkawinan. Keduanyaakhirnya melangkah ke jalan bahagia.
Kini, saya tahu kenapa perkawinan ayah ibu tidak bisa bahagia, merekaterlalu bersikeras menggunakan cara sendiri dalam mencintai pihak kedua,bukan mencintai pasangannya dengan cara pihak kedua.
Diri sendiri lelahnya setengah mati, namun, pihak kedua tidak dapatmerasakannya, akhirnya ketika menghadapi penantian perkawinan, hati inijuga sudah kecewa dan hancur.
Karena Tuhan telah menciptakan perkawinan, maka menurut saya, setiaporang pantas dan layak memiliki sebuah perkawinan yang bahagia, asalkancara yang kita pakai itu tepat, menjadi orang yang dibutuhkan pihakkedua! Bukannya memberi atas keinginan kita sendiri, perkawinan yangbaik, pasti dapat diharapkan.
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