The Pastor's Ass
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and It won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey
That he entered it in the Race again, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of
the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the
next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she
sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is... Being concerned about public opinion can
bring you much grief and misery & even shorten your Life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and
live longer!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
3 aussies and 3 kiwis
Three Maoris and three Australians are travelling by train to a Rugby match at the World Cup in England.
At the station, the three Maories each buy a ticket and watch as the three Aussies buy just one ticket
between them.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Maori's.
"Watch and learn mate," answers one of the Aussies.
They all board the train. The Maori's take their respective seats but all three Aussies cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The Maori's see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game, they decide to copy the Aussies on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip.
To their astonishment, the Aussies don't buy a ticket at all!!
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed Maori.
"Watch and learn mate," answers an Aussie.
When they board the train the three Maori's cram into a toilet and soon after the three Aussies cram into another nearby.
The train departs.
Shortly afterwards, one of the Aussies leaves their toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Maori's are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please."
At the station, the three Maories each buy a ticket and watch as the three Aussies buy just one ticket
between them.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Maori's.
"Watch and learn mate," answers one of the Aussies.
They all board the train. The Maori's take their respective seats but all three Aussies cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The Maori's see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game, they decide to copy the Aussies on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip.
To their astonishment, the Aussies don't buy a ticket at all!!
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed Maori.
"Watch and learn mate," answers an Aussie.
When they board the train the three Maori's cram into a toilet and soon after the three Aussies cram into another nearby.
The train departs.
Shortly afterwards, one of the Aussies leaves their toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Maori's are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please."
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Mobile Phone and ATM Tips
4 THINGS YOU PROBABLY NEVER KNEW YOUR MOBILE PHONE COULD DO
There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies.
Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival.
Check out the things that you can do with it:
FIRST
Emergency
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112.
If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency,
dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you,
and interestingly this number 112 can be dialled even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.
SECOND
Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry?
This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your
keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their mobile phone from your cell phone.
Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end.
Your car will unlock.
Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you.
Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has
the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).
Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a mobile phone!'
THIRD
Hidden Battery Power
Imagine your mobile battery is very low.
To activate, press the keys *3370#
Your mobile will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery.
This reserve will get charged when you charge your mobile next time
FOURTH
How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone? To check your Mobile phone's serial number,
key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 #
A 15 digit code will appear on the screen.This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe.
When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code.
They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless.
You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.
ATM - PIN Number Reversal - Good to Know
If you should ever be forced by a robber to withdraw money from an ATM machine, you can
notify the police by entering your PIN # in reverse.
For example, if your pin number is 1234, then you would put in 4321.
The ATM system recognizes that your PIN number is backwards from the ATM card you placed in the machine.
The machine will still give you the money you requested, but unknown to the robber, the police will be immediately dispatched to the location.
This information was recently broadcast on CTV by Crime Stoppers however it is seldom used because people just don't know about it. Please pass this along to everyone.
This is the kind of information people don't mind receiving, so pass it on to your family and friends
There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies.
Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival.
Check out the things that you can do with it:
FIRST
Emergency
The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112.
If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency,
dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you,
and interestingly this number 112 can be dialled even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.
SECOND
Have you locked your keys in the car?
Does your car have remote keyless entry?
This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your
keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their mobile phone from your cell phone.
Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end.
Your car will unlock.
Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you.
Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has
the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).
Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a mobile phone!'
THIRD
Hidden Battery Power
Imagine your mobile battery is very low.
To activate, press the keys *3370#
Your mobile will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery.
This reserve will get charged when you charge your mobile next time
FOURTH
How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone? To check your Mobile phone's serial number,
key in the following digits on your phone: * # 0 6 #
A 15 digit code will appear on the screen.This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe.
When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code.
They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless.
You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.
ATM - PIN Number Reversal - Good to Know
If you should ever be forced by a robber to withdraw money from an ATM machine, you can
notify the police by entering your PIN # in reverse.
For example, if your pin number is 1234, then you would put in 4321.
The ATM system recognizes that your PIN number is backwards from the ATM card you placed in the machine.
The machine will still give you the money you requested, but unknown to the robber, the police will be immediately dispatched to the location.
This information was recently broadcast on CTV by Crime Stoppers however it is seldom used because people just don't know about it. Please pass this along to everyone.
This is the kind of information people don't mind receiving, so pass it on to your family and friends
Monday, April 6, 2009
Sex Therapist
An elderly man and woman, both in their 70's, walk into a sex
therapist's office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an
elderly couple is asking for sexual advice, that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely
nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.' He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them $50, and says good bye.
A week later the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again.
The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry,
but I have to ask.
Just what are you trying to find out?'
The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.
She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't
go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139.
We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare.
therapist's office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an
elderly couple is asking for sexual advice, that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely
nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.' He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them $50, and says good bye.
A week later the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again.
The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry,
but I have to ask.
Just what are you trying to find out?'
The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.
She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't
go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139.
We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
DIKEROK: Kok bisa merah?
Mungkin diantara para pembaca pernah bertanya-tanya dalam hati, mengapa kulit yang dikerok hanya dengan mata uang logam dan balsem, minyak, atau lotion bisa menjadi merah, dan kenapa tidak menjadi warna lain saja, misalnya biru (seperti warna bengkak yang kita dapatkan akibat tekanan/hantaman dari luar, kan mengerok juga sama halnya dengan memberi tekanan pada kulit melalui mata uang logam). Mengapa hal itu bisa terjadi?
Metode pengobatan dengan kerokan ini sudah dikenal sejak ribuan tahun yang lalu dan dipercaya dapat memberi kesembuhan. Kerokan adalah suatu pengobatan tradisional Jawa dengan cara menekan dan menggeserkan benda tumpul (biasanya uang logam, atau alat bantu khusus kerok yang terbuat dari plastik, tulang, keramik, batu giok, potongan jahe, potongan bawang, dan lain-lain. Alat-alat tersebut harus tumpul supaya tidak melukai kulit) pada tubuh secara berulang-ulang dengan cairan yang licin sampai terjadi bilur-bilur berwarna merah. Fungsi cairan yang licin ini untuk melicinkan proses kerokan sehingga menghindari terjadinya kulit lecet, selain itu, jika dipergunakan balsem atau minyak, dapat juga untuk menghangatkan. Pengobatan dengan kerokan ini ternyata tidak hanya dikenal di masyarakat Jawa, tetapi sudah menyebar ke daerah-daerah lain di Indonesia, bahkan sampai di luar negeri. Di Vietnam, pengobatan ini disebut Cao Gio, di Kamboja disebut Goh Kyol (rubbing the wind), di Cina disebut Gua Sha (Gua=menggosok/scraping, Sha=racun/toksin), namun kebanyakan pengobatan ini di Cina menggunakan batu Jade sehingga disebut Jade stone therapy, di Barat disebut coining atau coin rubbing.
Pengobatan dengan kerokan ini dipercaya bermanfaat untuk keadaan yang oleh masyarakat awam disebut masuk angin untuk menggambarkan keadaan berupa rasa tidak enak badan, yang ditandai dengan perut kembung, hidung berair, pegel linu, nyeri kepala, dan sebagainya. Ketika masuk angin, kita menjadi kedinginan atau suhu tubuh menurun yang mengakibatkan pembuluh darah di kulit mengalami penyempitan (konstriksi) sebagai kompensasinya. Hal ini dilakukan tubuh agar seluruh tubuh tidak ikut kedinginan. Konstriksi atau penyempitan itu dapat mengakibatkan oksigenasi pada permukaan tubuh berkurang. Jika oksigenasi pada permukaan tubuh (terutama bagian belakang) turun atau berkurang, sekujur badan dapat terasa sakit. Selanjutnya, akan muncul gejala bersin pertanda terjadi penurunan temperatur tubuh.
Menurut Dr. Koosnadi Saputra, DSR, akupunturis klinik, upaya untuk meningkatkan panas di bagian belakang tubuh bisa berpedoman pada hukum Einstein (E = mC2). Energi atau panas dihasilkan dari gesekan dua benda.. Kalau permukaan kulit tubuh digosok-gosok dengan tangan atau suatu benda tumpul secara cepat, suhu tubuh pun akan meningkat. Panas yang cukup tinggi menyebabkan terjadinya pelebaran pembuluh darah dalam kulit. Otomatis peredaran darah menjadi lebih lancar dan oksigenasi lebih baik sehingga rasa sakit di tubuh berkurang. Maka dari itu, metode pengobatan kerokan dapat menjadi salah satu perwujudan hukum Einstein.
Kerokan tidak menyebabkan rasa sakit jika dilakukan dengan benar. Warna merah yang terjadi dapat dipakai sebagai pengukur berat ringannya masuk angin, makin merah warnanya makin berat derajat sakitnya. Hasil survei pada 390 responden di kota Solo menunjukkan bahwa 87% dari responden yang berasal dari golongan bawah sampai atas yang memanfaatkan dan merasakan kegunaan pengobatan ini merasa ketagihan. Di Amerika, pengobatan ini mengundang perdebatan dan oleh tenaga kesehatan Amerika dikatakan bahwa tindakan ini adalah abuse. Namun, penelitian yang dilakukan oleh dr. Didik Gunawan Tamtomo, seorang dosen fakultas kedokteran di Surabaya terhadap jaringan biopsi kulit sesudah kerokan menunjukkan bahwa tidak terdapat kerusakan kulit, yang ada hanyalah reaksi inflamasi/radang.
Inflamasi/radang adalah reaksi dari suatu jaringan hidup yang mempunyai vaskularisasi (manifestasi sistem pembuluh darah) terhadap trauma (injury) lokal dan merupakan suatu proses kompleks meliputi perubahan pembuluh darah, jaringan ikat, dan interaksi berbagai jenis sel. Inflamasi bertujuan untuk menetralisir agen penyebab trauma dan membersihkan jaringan mati, sehingga dapat dicapai penyembuhan dan perbaikan tubuh. Jadi, inflamasi merupakan salah satu komponen penyembuhan.
Inflamasi mempunyai tanda-tanda yang khas, yang diantaranya adalah warna merah (dalam kedokteran disebut rubor) yang terjadi karena jaringan yang meradang menjadi mengandung banyak darah akibat kapiler-kapilernya melebar dan kapiler-kapiler yang sebelumnya kosong/menyempit menjadi berisi darah juga, akibatnya sirkulasi darah meningkat dan memberikan warna kemerahan; dan timbul rasa panas (dalam kedokteran disebut calor) yang dapat meningkat 0,5-20C yang terjadi akibat sirkulasi darah yang meningkat. Jadi, telah jelaslah mengapa ketika dikerok warna kulit dapat berubah menjadi merah. Hal ini akibat salah satu tanda khas dari reaksi inflamasi yang ditimbulkan melalui kerokan.
Pada reaksi inflamasi, juga terjadi pengeluaran mediator inflamasi seperti IL-1, TNF, histamin, beta endorfin, dan sebagainya serta penurunan PGE2, bradikinin, dan C3.
IL-1 dan TNF berfungsi sebagai petanda bahwa telah terjadi reaksi fase akut, yaitu inflamasi lokal akibat kerokan yang ditandai dengan kemerahan dan panas, selain itu juga mengaktivasi sel-sel darah sehingga sirkulasi darah meningkat. Histamin penting di awal proses inflamasi. Penelitian mengenai manfaat kerokan yang dilakukan di bawah bimbingan tiga Guru Besar Fakultas Kedokteran di Surabaya menyimpulkan bahwa kerokan dapat menyebabkan kenaikan kadar beta-endorfin sehingga dapat mengurangi rasa nyeri otot (mialgia) dan mengakibatkan penderita merasa lebih enak dan segar, serta merangsang organ viscera, terutama paru-paru dan jantung sehingga penderita bisa bernapas lebih enak dan lega, peredaran darah juga menjadi lebih baik. Kadar PGE2 (Prostaglandin E2) dan bradikinin yang menurun menyebabkan mialgia berkurang karena kenyataannya, PGE2 merupakan biang kerok penyebab mialgia (nyeri otot). Jika PGE2 naik maka akan meningkatkan kepekaan nosiseptor yang disebut sentra sensitisasi, sehingga kita menjadi sensitif terhadap tekanan dan menimbulkan rasa nyeri. Jadi, jika kadar PGE2 bisa diturunkan, maka rasa nyeri tersebut juga akan berkurang. Tinggi rendahnya kadar PGE2 akan mempunyai korelasi dengan berat ringannya mialgia. Bradikinin dan C3 merupakan zat yang dapat meningkatkan permeabilitas vaskuler.
Bagaimana membuat pola kerokan yang baik?
Para ahli akupunktur berpendapat bahwa sebaiknya alat kerok melewati titik akupuntur agar saraf motorik dapat terangsang, sehingga dapat memperlancar sirkulasi darah.
Pola umum kerokan biasanya membentuk garis-garis lurus dari atas ke bawah dan miring di sisi kiri-kanan ruas-ruas tulang belakang ataupun pada leher bagian belakang. Pada tubuh kita terdapat sekitar 360 titik akupuntur utama yang berhubungan dengan organ penting. Begitu pun pada tubuh bagian belakang, terdapat titik-titik yang berhubungan dengan organ dalam tubuh (organ viscera).
Dengan pola kerokan yang benar, titik-titik akupuntur dapat dicapai dengan sempurna.
Kerokan jarang dilakukan pada tubuh bagian depan karena kurang berguna. Untuk mengusir masuk angin, yang efektif adalah mengerok daerah bagian belakang tubuh dan leher.
Tindakan kerokan searah yang diulang-ulang merupakan gerakan memperkuat. Sampai sejauh mana kekuatan tekanannya tidak ada batasan tertentu. Yang penting tak sampai melukai. Tiap orang memiliki kepekaan kulit dan daya tahan terhadap rasa sakit yang berbeda-beda. Karena itu, ada yang dikerok pelan saja sudah meringis kesakitan. Tapi tak jarang ada yang justru minta dikerok kuat-kuat sampai kulit berwarna merah padam. Padahal tak ada aturan hasil kerokan harus sampai merah padam.
Jadi, kerokan merupakan upaya mengusir masuk angin dengan cara meningkatkan panas (calor) akibat sirkulasi darah yang meningkat sehingga memberikan warna kemerahan (rubor), dan bukan mengeluarkan angin lewat pori-pori kulit. Bagi masyarakat awam, kerokan sering dipahami sebagai cara untuk “mengeluarkan angin” dari tubuh lewat pori-pori kulit. Padahal, angin atau udara tidak pernah masuk atau keluar lewat pori-pori kulit. Angin hanya bisa masuk atau keluar lewat organ pernapasan dan pencernaan. Lalu, hal yang patut diingat dan dilakukan bila Anda sudah kerokan adalah tidak mandi karena setelah kerokan terdapat peningkatan panas yang menyebabkan pori-pori kulit dalam kondisi terbuka. Lebih baik, sekalah kulit dengan lap basah (yang dicelupkan pada air hangat lalu diperas). Jika langsung dengan air dingin, sel-sel tubuh yang masih panas akibat kerokan akan terkaget bersentuhan dengan air dingin dan dapat membuat sel-sel tubuh tidak stabil.
Selain itu, Anda juga harus ingat bahwa kerokan hanyalah sebuah langkah pencegahan. Anda tetap harus ke dokter untuk mengkonsultasikan kondisi tidak enak badan Anda bila sakit Anda tidak kunjung sembuh atau bertambah parah. Selama sakit, lakukanlah hal-hal yang dapat membantu kesembuhan Anda, seperti banyak minum air putih, mengkonsumsi makanan dan minuman hangat yang bergizi, serta istirahat dan tidur secukupnya.
Sumber :
Bagian Patologi Anatomik Fakultas Kedokteran Universitas Indonesia . 1973. Patologi. Jakarta : FKUI.
Didik G. T. Gambaran Histopatologi Kulit pada Pengobatan Tradisional Kerokan. Cermin Dunia Kedokteran. 2008; 160: 28-31.
nicopoundra.com
Robbins, Stanley L. dkk. 1995. Buku Saku Dasar Patologi Penyakit Ed.5. Alih Bahasa: Prof. dr. Achmad Tjarta, Prof. dr. Sutisna Himawan, dr. A. N. Kurniawan. Jakarta : EGC.
www.gizi.net
www.indomedia.com
www.indomp3z.us
Metode pengobatan dengan kerokan ini sudah dikenal sejak ribuan tahun yang lalu dan dipercaya dapat memberi kesembuhan. Kerokan adalah suatu pengobatan tradisional Jawa dengan cara menekan dan menggeserkan benda tumpul (biasanya uang logam, atau alat bantu khusus kerok yang terbuat dari plastik, tulang, keramik, batu giok, potongan jahe, potongan bawang, dan lain-lain. Alat-alat tersebut harus tumpul supaya tidak melukai kulit) pada tubuh secara berulang-ulang dengan cairan yang licin sampai terjadi bilur-bilur berwarna merah. Fungsi cairan yang licin ini untuk melicinkan proses kerokan sehingga menghindari terjadinya kulit lecet, selain itu, jika dipergunakan balsem atau minyak, dapat juga untuk menghangatkan. Pengobatan dengan kerokan ini ternyata tidak hanya dikenal di masyarakat Jawa, tetapi sudah menyebar ke daerah-daerah lain di Indonesia, bahkan sampai di luar negeri. Di Vietnam, pengobatan ini disebut Cao Gio, di Kamboja disebut Goh Kyol (rubbing the wind), di Cina disebut Gua Sha (Gua=menggosok/scraping, Sha=racun/toksin), namun kebanyakan pengobatan ini di Cina menggunakan batu Jade sehingga disebut Jade stone therapy, di Barat disebut coining atau coin rubbing.
Pengobatan dengan kerokan ini dipercaya bermanfaat untuk keadaan yang oleh masyarakat awam disebut masuk angin untuk menggambarkan keadaan berupa rasa tidak enak badan, yang ditandai dengan perut kembung, hidung berair, pegel linu, nyeri kepala, dan sebagainya. Ketika masuk angin, kita menjadi kedinginan atau suhu tubuh menurun yang mengakibatkan pembuluh darah di kulit mengalami penyempitan (konstriksi) sebagai kompensasinya. Hal ini dilakukan tubuh agar seluruh tubuh tidak ikut kedinginan. Konstriksi atau penyempitan itu dapat mengakibatkan oksigenasi pada permukaan tubuh berkurang. Jika oksigenasi pada permukaan tubuh (terutama bagian belakang) turun atau berkurang, sekujur badan dapat terasa sakit. Selanjutnya, akan muncul gejala bersin pertanda terjadi penurunan temperatur tubuh.
Menurut Dr. Koosnadi Saputra, DSR, akupunturis klinik, upaya untuk meningkatkan panas di bagian belakang tubuh bisa berpedoman pada hukum Einstein (E = mC2). Energi atau panas dihasilkan dari gesekan dua benda.. Kalau permukaan kulit tubuh digosok-gosok dengan tangan atau suatu benda tumpul secara cepat, suhu tubuh pun akan meningkat. Panas yang cukup tinggi menyebabkan terjadinya pelebaran pembuluh darah dalam kulit. Otomatis peredaran darah menjadi lebih lancar dan oksigenasi lebih baik sehingga rasa sakit di tubuh berkurang. Maka dari itu, metode pengobatan kerokan dapat menjadi salah satu perwujudan hukum Einstein.
Kerokan tidak menyebabkan rasa sakit jika dilakukan dengan benar. Warna merah yang terjadi dapat dipakai sebagai pengukur berat ringannya masuk angin, makin merah warnanya makin berat derajat sakitnya. Hasil survei pada 390 responden di kota Solo menunjukkan bahwa 87% dari responden yang berasal dari golongan bawah sampai atas yang memanfaatkan dan merasakan kegunaan pengobatan ini merasa ketagihan. Di Amerika, pengobatan ini mengundang perdebatan dan oleh tenaga kesehatan Amerika dikatakan bahwa tindakan ini adalah abuse. Namun, penelitian yang dilakukan oleh dr. Didik Gunawan Tamtomo, seorang dosen fakultas kedokteran di Surabaya terhadap jaringan biopsi kulit sesudah kerokan menunjukkan bahwa tidak terdapat kerusakan kulit, yang ada hanyalah reaksi inflamasi/radang.
Inflamasi/radang adalah reaksi dari suatu jaringan hidup yang mempunyai vaskularisasi (manifestasi sistem pembuluh darah) terhadap trauma (injury) lokal dan merupakan suatu proses kompleks meliputi perubahan pembuluh darah, jaringan ikat, dan interaksi berbagai jenis sel. Inflamasi bertujuan untuk menetralisir agen penyebab trauma dan membersihkan jaringan mati, sehingga dapat dicapai penyembuhan dan perbaikan tubuh. Jadi, inflamasi merupakan salah satu komponen penyembuhan.
Inflamasi mempunyai tanda-tanda yang khas, yang diantaranya adalah warna merah (dalam kedokteran disebut rubor) yang terjadi karena jaringan yang meradang menjadi mengandung banyak darah akibat kapiler-kapilernya melebar dan kapiler-kapiler yang sebelumnya kosong/menyempit menjadi berisi darah juga, akibatnya sirkulasi darah meningkat dan memberikan warna kemerahan; dan timbul rasa panas (dalam kedokteran disebut calor) yang dapat meningkat 0,5-20C yang terjadi akibat sirkulasi darah yang meningkat. Jadi, telah jelaslah mengapa ketika dikerok warna kulit dapat berubah menjadi merah. Hal ini akibat salah satu tanda khas dari reaksi inflamasi yang ditimbulkan melalui kerokan.
Pada reaksi inflamasi, juga terjadi pengeluaran mediator inflamasi seperti IL-1, TNF, histamin, beta endorfin, dan sebagainya serta penurunan PGE2, bradikinin, dan C3.
IL-1 dan TNF berfungsi sebagai petanda bahwa telah terjadi reaksi fase akut, yaitu inflamasi lokal akibat kerokan yang ditandai dengan kemerahan dan panas, selain itu juga mengaktivasi sel-sel darah sehingga sirkulasi darah meningkat. Histamin penting di awal proses inflamasi. Penelitian mengenai manfaat kerokan yang dilakukan di bawah bimbingan tiga Guru Besar Fakultas Kedokteran di Surabaya menyimpulkan bahwa kerokan dapat menyebabkan kenaikan kadar beta-endorfin sehingga dapat mengurangi rasa nyeri otot (mialgia) dan mengakibatkan penderita merasa lebih enak dan segar, serta merangsang organ viscera, terutama paru-paru dan jantung sehingga penderita bisa bernapas lebih enak dan lega, peredaran darah juga menjadi lebih baik. Kadar PGE2 (Prostaglandin E2) dan bradikinin yang menurun menyebabkan mialgia berkurang karena kenyataannya, PGE2 merupakan biang kerok penyebab mialgia (nyeri otot). Jika PGE2 naik maka akan meningkatkan kepekaan nosiseptor yang disebut sentra sensitisasi, sehingga kita menjadi sensitif terhadap tekanan dan menimbulkan rasa nyeri. Jadi, jika kadar PGE2 bisa diturunkan, maka rasa nyeri tersebut juga akan berkurang. Tinggi rendahnya kadar PGE2 akan mempunyai korelasi dengan berat ringannya mialgia. Bradikinin dan C3 merupakan zat yang dapat meningkatkan permeabilitas vaskuler.
Bagaimana membuat pola kerokan yang baik?
Para ahli akupunktur berpendapat bahwa sebaiknya alat kerok melewati titik akupuntur agar saraf motorik dapat terangsang, sehingga dapat memperlancar sirkulasi darah.
Pola umum kerokan biasanya membentuk garis-garis lurus dari atas ke bawah dan miring di sisi kiri-kanan ruas-ruas tulang belakang ataupun pada leher bagian belakang. Pada tubuh kita terdapat sekitar 360 titik akupuntur utama yang berhubungan dengan organ penting. Begitu pun pada tubuh bagian belakang, terdapat titik-titik yang berhubungan dengan organ dalam tubuh (organ viscera).
Dengan pola kerokan yang benar, titik-titik akupuntur dapat dicapai dengan sempurna.
Kerokan jarang dilakukan pada tubuh bagian depan karena kurang berguna. Untuk mengusir masuk angin, yang efektif adalah mengerok daerah bagian belakang tubuh dan leher.
Tindakan kerokan searah yang diulang-ulang merupakan gerakan memperkuat. Sampai sejauh mana kekuatan tekanannya tidak ada batasan tertentu. Yang penting tak sampai melukai. Tiap orang memiliki kepekaan kulit dan daya tahan terhadap rasa sakit yang berbeda-beda. Karena itu, ada yang dikerok pelan saja sudah meringis kesakitan. Tapi tak jarang ada yang justru minta dikerok kuat-kuat sampai kulit berwarna merah padam. Padahal tak ada aturan hasil kerokan harus sampai merah padam.
Jadi, kerokan merupakan upaya mengusir masuk angin dengan cara meningkatkan panas (calor) akibat sirkulasi darah yang meningkat sehingga memberikan warna kemerahan (rubor), dan bukan mengeluarkan angin lewat pori-pori kulit. Bagi masyarakat awam, kerokan sering dipahami sebagai cara untuk “mengeluarkan angin” dari tubuh lewat pori-pori kulit. Padahal, angin atau udara tidak pernah masuk atau keluar lewat pori-pori kulit. Angin hanya bisa masuk atau keluar lewat organ pernapasan dan pencernaan. Lalu, hal yang patut diingat dan dilakukan bila Anda sudah kerokan adalah tidak mandi karena setelah kerokan terdapat peningkatan panas yang menyebabkan pori-pori kulit dalam kondisi terbuka. Lebih baik, sekalah kulit dengan lap basah (yang dicelupkan pada air hangat lalu diperas). Jika langsung dengan air dingin, sel-sel tubuh yang masih panas akibat kerokan akan terkaget bersentuhan dengan air dingin dan dapat membuat sel-sel tubuh tidak stabil.
Selain itu, Anda juga harus ingat bahwa kerokan hanyalah sebuah langkah pencegahan. Anda tetap harus ke dokter untuk mengkonsultasikan kondisi tidak enak badan Anda bila sakit Anda tidak kunjung sembuh atau bertambah parah. Selama sakit, lakukanlah hal-hal yang dapat membantu kesembuhan Anda, seperti banyak minum air putih, mengkonsumsi makanan dan minuman hangat yang bergizi, serta istirahat dan tidur secukupnya.
Sumber :
Bagian Patologi Anatomik Fakultas Kedokteran Universitas Indonesia . 1973. Patologi. Jakarta : FKUI.
Didik G. T. Gambaran Histopatologi Kulit pada Pengobatan Tradisional Kerokan. Cermin Dunia Kedokteran. 2008; 160: 28-31.
nicopoundra.com
Robbins, Stanley L. dkk. 1995. Buku Saku Dasar Patologi Penyakit Ed.5. Alih Bahasa: Prof. dr. Achmad Tjarta, Prof. dr. Sutisna Himawan, dr. A. N. Kurniawan. Jakarta : EGC.
www.gizi.net
www.indomedia.com
www.indomp3z.us
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Don't get technical with me
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
===============
Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
===============
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
===============
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
===============
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it....
============== =
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
===============
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.
===============
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: ! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...
===============
Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?
== =============
Customer: can't get on the Internet..
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
===============
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
===============
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
===============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'
===============
And last but not least...
Tech support: 'Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Colin..
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
Female customer: A white one...
===============
Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
===============
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
===============
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
===============
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it....
============== =
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
===============
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.
===============
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: ! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...
===============
Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?
== =============
Customer: can't get on the Internet..
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
===============
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
===============
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
===============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'
===============
And last but not least...
Tech support: 'Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Colin..
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
10 SMS Jokes
1. Kalo orang bilang kamu judes, sabar aja. Kalo orang bilang kamu reseh, senyumin aja. Tapi kalo ada orang bilang kamu cakep,tonjok aja tuh orang, karena itu FITNAH!!!
2. IF u need ADVICE, message me. If u need FRIEND, call me. IF u need HELP, e-mail me. If u need MONEY, "nomor yg anda tuju tidak dapat dihubungi". Terima kasih.
3. Seorang nenek yang nyebrang jalan hampir ketabrak motor.
Pengendara motor marah : "Nenek bego! Nyebrang jalan gak liat2!" Nenek sewot : "Lo yg bego!! Nabrak nenek-nenek aja gak kena..!!"
4. Hasil survey membuktikan bahwa 99% cewe milih cowo karena punya wibawa: wiii... BAWA mobil sport, wiii... BAWA uang
banyak, wiii... BAWA handphone 10jt, wiii... BAWA credit card, wiii... BAWA bodyguard!!! !
5. Seorang tukang roti ditabrak metro mini, lalu polisi datang dan bertanya, " Ada apa Pak??" Si tukang roti yang uda sekarat menjawab, "ada nanas, keju,coklat, dan mocca.."
6. Saat kau SEDIH tak satupun yang menyadari kesedihanmu. Saat BAHAGIA tak satupun melihat senyumu. Tapi saat kau KENTUT,semua menoleh kepadamu. MENYEDIHKAN SEKALI...!!! ;
7. Suatu malam BRAD PITT ke diskotik. Temen2 ga sabar bujuk dia supaya ikut goyang.: "Ayo, goyang dong Brad! Goyang dong Brad!". Dari situ lah lagu GOYANG DOMBRET tercipta.
8. Selamat! Anda mendapatkan kado dari DIGITAL LG.
Pilih kado berikut ini:
1. DIGI-LAS mobil 2. DIGI-LING truk 3. DIGI-RING polisi 4. DIGI-GIT anjing
9. When i see baby, i remember "TEDDY BEAR DOLL".
When i see a little girl, i remember "BARBIE DOLL". But when i see u, i remember "PANADOL"
10. Orang AMERIKA kentut bilang EXCUSE ME. Orang British kentut bilang PARDON ME. Orang SINGAPORE kentut bilang I'M
SORRY. Kalo Orang Indonesia kentut, pasti bilang.....NOT ME!! NOT ME!
2. IF u need ADVICE, message me. If u need FRIEND, call me. IF u need HELP, e-mail me. If u need MONEY, "nomor yg anda tuju tidak dapat dihubungi". Terima kasih.
3. Seorang nenek yang nyebrang jalan hampir ketabrak motor.
Pengendara motor marah : "Nenek bego! Nyebrang jalan gak liat2!" Nenek sewot : "Lo yg bego!! Nabrak nenek-nenek aja gak kena..!!"
4. Hasil survey membuktikan bahwa 99% cewe milih cowo karena punya wibawa: wiii... BAWA mobil sport, wiii... BAWA uang
banyak, wiii... BAWA handphone 10jt, wiii... BAWA credit card, wiii... BAWA bodyguard!!! !
5. Seorang tukang roti ditabrak metro mini, lalu polisi datang dan bertanya, " Ada apa Pak??" Si tukang roti yang uda sekarat menjawab, "ada nanas, keju,coklat, dan mocca.."
6. Saat kau SEDIH tak satupun yang menyadari kesedihanmu. Saat BAHAGIA tak satupun melihat senyumu. Tapi saat kau KENTUT,semua menoleh kepadamu. MENYEDIHKAN SEKALI...!!! ;
7. Suatu malam BRAD PITT ke diskotik. Temen2 ga sabar bujuk dia supaya ikut goyang.: "Ayo, goyang dong Brad! Goyang dong Brad!". Dari situ lah lagu GOYANG DOMBRET tercipta.
8. Selamat! Anda mendapatkan kado dari DIGITAL LG.
Pilih kado berikut ini:
1. DIGI-LAS mobil 2. DIGI-LING truk 3. DIGI-RING polisi 4. DIGI-GIT anjing
9. When i see baby, i remember "TEDDY BEAR DOLL".
When i see a little girl, i remember "BARBIE DOLL". But when i see u, i remember "PANADOL"
10. Orang AMERIKA kentut bilang EXCUSE ME. Orang British kentut bilang PARDON ME. Orang SINGAPORE kentut bilang I'M
SORRY. Kalo Orang Indonesia kentut, pasti bilang.....NOT ME!! NOT ME!
Kodok, Kura-Kura dan Kaki Seribu
Kodok, Kura-Kura dan Kaki Seribu
=========================
Ada tiga friends, satunya kura2..satu lagi kodok..terus satunya lagi
uler kaki seribu. Suatu hari kura2 mengundang dua temennya kerumahnya buat pesta kecil2an. So.. mereka bertiga bikin pesta kecil di rumah kura2.
Setelah asyik ngobrol, makan, minum and lain-lain...
si kodok berkata : "Eh..dari tadi kayaknya ada yang kurang ya..elu pada ngerasa gak..Oh iya kita kok gak ngerokok ya..pantesan mulut asem banget nih.."
Kura2:"iya ya..sorry gue lupa nggak nyediain rokok...kalo gitu lu beli aje deh 'Dok..warungnya deket khan..!"
Kodok:"Lho koq gue sih.. khan tuan rumahnya elu 'Ra.."
Kura2:"iya sih.. tapi khan gue jalannya lambat. kalo elu khan bisa cepet..!!"
Kodok:"Ah.. nggak bisa gitu donk!!..lagian kalo soal cepet..pasti si uler kaki seribu lebih cepet dari gue..kakinya aja ada seribu!!!"
Kura2: "Oh iya ya.. Elu aja deh yang pergi..uler Kaki seribu.."
Uler K.1000: "koq jadi gue sih.."
Kodok : "Udah ..nggak apa-apa..elu aja..buruan.."
Akhirnya si Uler K.1000 pergi juga untuk membeli rokok.
Si Kodok dan Kura2 nungguin sambil ngegosipin artis-artis lokal. Lima
menit menunggu...si Uler K.1000 belum dateng juga...10 menit..20 menit...satu jam...dan ternyata sampe tiga jam Uler K.1000 gak nongol2 juga.
Kodok: "Kooq Uler K.1000 nggak pulang2 ya..?"
Kura2: "Iya nih..gue jadi kuatir..kita susulin aja yuk, Dok...!"
Kodok: "ayuk deh..!"
Tapi pas si kura2 buka pintu...ternyata uler K.1000 udah ada di depan pintu.
Kura2: "Nah ni dia..!"
Kodok: "Iya nih dari tadi ditungguin juga...mana rokoknya. mulut gue udah asem banget nih..?!"
Uler K.1000: "Boro2 rokok...jalan aja belom..!!"
Kodok: " Haah belom jalan ...emangnya dari tadi ngapain aja...?
Uler K.1000: "Yeeeeeeeee..elu nggak liat nih...gue lagi PAKE SEPATU!!!???????
=========================
Ada tiga friends, satunya kura2..satu lagi kodok..terus satunya lagi
uler kaki seribu. Suatu hari kura2 mengundang dua temennya kerumahnya buat pesta kecil2an. So.. mereka bertiga bikin pesta kecil di rumah kura2.
Setelah asyik ngobrol, makan, minum and lain-lain...
si kodok berkata : "Eh..dari tadi kayaknya ada yang kurang ya..elu pada ngerasa gak..Oh iya kita kok gak ngerokok ya..pantesan mulut asem banget nih.."
Kura2:"iya ya..sorry gue lupa nggak nyediain rokok...kalo gitu lu beli aje deh 'Dok..warungnya deket khan..!"
Kodok:"Lho koq gue sih.. khan tuan rumahnya elu 'Ra.."
Kura2:"iya sih.. tapi khan gue jalannya lambat. kalo elu khan bisa cepet..!!"
Kodok:"Ah.. nggak bisa gitu donk!!..lagian kalo soal cepet..pasti si uler kaki seribu lebih cepet dari gue..kakinya aja ada seribu!!!"
Kura2: "Oh iya ya.. Elu aja deh yang pergi..uler Kaki seribu.."
Uler K.1000: "koq jadi gue sih.."
Kodok : "Udah ..nggak apa-apa..elu aja..buruan.."
Akhirnya si Uler K.1000 pergi juga untuk membeli rokok.
Si Kodok dan Kura2 nungguin sambil ngegosipin artis-artis lokal. Lima
menit menunggu...si Uler K.1000 belum dateng juga...10 menit..20 menit...satu jam...dan ternyata sampe tiga jam Uler K.1000 gak nongol2 juga.
Kodok: "Kooq Uler K.1000 nggak pulang2 ya..?"
Kura2: "Iya nih..gue jadi kuatir..kita susulin aja yuk, Dok...!"
Kodok: "ayuk deh..!"
Tapi pas si kura2 buka pintu...ternyata uler K.1000 udah ada di depan pintu.
Kura2: "Nah ni dia..!"
Kodok: "Iya nih dari tadi ditungguin juga...mana rokoknya. mulut gue udah asem banget nih..?!"
Uler K.1000: "Boro2 rokok...jalan aja belom..!!"
Kodok: " Haah belom jalan ...emangnya dari tadi ngapain aja...?
Uler K.1000: "Yeeeeeeeee..elu nggak liat nih...gue lagi PAKE SEPATU!!!???????
A gynaecologist
A gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college , signed up for classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.
When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade."
The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. "You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."
After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career.
When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade."
The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. "You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."
After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career.
Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips
I TRULY DID NOT KNOW THIS!
Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.
SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS..
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU?
Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.
SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS..
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU?
Australian Tourism Website
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses from the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking
__________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is - oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.
Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
____________________________ ______________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal .
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
__________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking
__________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is - oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races.
Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
____________________________ ______________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal .
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
__________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Emergency Room Stories
HARD TO BELIEVE, BUT THESE ARE ALL TRUE STORIES FROM EMERGENCY
ROOMS AROUND THE U.S.A :
FEMALE SOFA----- A 500 lb. Woman from Illinois was examined in a
Hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under
Her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote
Control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.
Eeewwwww.....
PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan , a man came into the ER with
Lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had '...a rat
In her privates...' which bit him during sex (not the first
Conclusion I would have drawn, I don't think). After an examination
Of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left
Inside her after a recent hysterectomy.
PING PONG ANYONE? ----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a
Stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were
Fooling around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of
Pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (you'd do the same,
I'm sure!)?!!. The concrete then hardened, (no sh*t Sherlock)!
Causing constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect
Concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong
Ball. (Boy - we live sheltered lives!)
BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER
Complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact
Lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always
Popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but
Without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the
Man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying
To rip out the membrane of his cornea. (Oh my gosh!)
OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH! ----- A couple hobbled into a Washington State
Emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his
Hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head.
They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that
Evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman
Crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man (Classy or
What??). While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused
Her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to
Side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed
Her in the head until she let go.
And you thought YOU were having a bad day!!
ROOMS AROUND THE U.S.A :
FEMALE SOFA----- A 500 lb. Woman from Illinois was examined in a
Hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under
Her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote
Control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.
Eeewwwww.....
PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan , a man came into the ER with
Lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had '...a rat
In her privates...' which bit him during sex (not the first
Conclusion I would have drawn, I don't think). After an examination
Of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left
Inside her after a recent hysterectomy.
PING PONG ANYONE? ----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a
Stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were
Fooling around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of
Pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (you'd do the same,
I'm sure!)?!!. The concrete then hardened, (no sh*t Sherlock)!
Causing constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect
Concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong
Ball. (Boy - we live sheltered lives!)
BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER
Complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact
Lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always
Popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but
Without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the
Man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying
To rip out the membrane of his cornea. (Oh my gosh!)
OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH! ----- A couple hobbled into a Washington State
Emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his
Hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head.
They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that
Evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman
Crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man (Classy or
What??). While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused
Her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to
Side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed
Her in the head until she let go.
And you thought YOU were having a bad day!!
Blonde joke
Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'
The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick.'
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'
The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick.'
Monday, January 5, 2009
Intermezzo
1) Pada suatu kunjungan di sebuah peternakan yang dilakukan oleh peserta seminar keluarga harmonis, seorang Pemandu Tapos menceritakan bahwa sapi ditempat tersebut sangat sehat dan kuat-kuat.
Pemandu : "Bapak&Ibu, ini sapi dari New Zealand, sangat kuat sehari bisa 5 kali berhubungan dengan sapi betina"
Ibu-ibu sambil nyenggol Bapaknya : "Tuh ! Pak 5 kali sehari, bisa nggak...?"
Pemandu : "Bapak dan Ibu, ini sapi Australia lebih kuat lagi, sehari bisa 10 kali !"
Ibu-ibu nyenggol lagi Bapaknya : "Tuh, Pak, 10 kali ! Bayangin !!!"
Bapak-bapak semakin panas dan tanya kepada pemandu.
Bapak-bapak: "Pak ... itu 10 kali dengan betinanya yang sama apa enggak ?"
Pemandu : "Ya... beda-beda dong, Pak !"
Bapak-bapak : "Tuh, Bu ! betinanya beda-beda
2) Si Andi kecil melihat mobil papanya lewat di depan sekolah dan
parkir di dekat semak belukar. Karena rasa ingin tahu yang besar,
Andi kecil mengendap-endap mendekati mobil papanya dan melihat
papanya dan Tante Nancy saling berpelukan di balik semak-semak.
Andi terus menikmati pertunjukkan itu sampai selesai. Dan ia merasa
sangat tegang dan tidak sabar untuk menceritakan pengalamannya
pada sang Mama.
Pulang sekolah, Andi langsung mencari Mamanya di dapur dan dengan
sangat antusias mengatakan, "Ma.. tadi Andi lihat Papa dan Tante Nancy
dekat semak-semak di depan sekolah. Andi pergi ke sana dan lihat Papa
ciumin bibir Tante Nancy dan ngebuka bajunya Tante Nancy, trus Tante
Nancy juga ngebukain celananya Papa, trus Tante Nancy......"
Pada saat tersebut sang Mama langsung memotong pembicaraan dan
mengatakan, "Nak, simpan dulu ceritamu ya! Mama mau denger lagi
nanti saat makan malam. Kita pengen lihat khan gimana wajah Papa
waktu dengerin cerita kamu ??" Dan si Andi kecil-pun setuju.
Pada saat makan malam si Andi kecil mulai bercerita lagi dari awal..
"Tadi Andi lihat Papa dan Tante Nancy dekat semak-semak di depan
sekolah. Andi pergi ke sana dan lihat papa ciumin bibir Tante Nancy,
dan ngebuka bajunya Tante Nancy. Trus Tante Nancy juga ngebuka'in
celananya Papa, trus Tante Nancy dan Papa mulai melakukan hal yang
pernah dilakukan Mama sama Om Dodi waktu Papa ke luar negeri itu lho..
Mama dan Papa, "?#$%?&?@?*??#??"...
(Makanya Ma.. kalo orang lain cerita, dengerin
dulu sampai habis.... baru respon...)
3) Seorang pria mengencani 3 orang wanita dan memutuskan untuk menikahi salah satu dari mereka.... Dia memberikan suatu test untuk ketiga wanita tersebut masing-masing wanita diberikannya uang 100 juta untuk dibelanjakan dan si pria akan melihat untuk apa uang tersebut digunakan.
Wanita 1
Wanita ini pergi ke salon yang mahal, dan membelanjakan uangnya untuk perawatan2 tubuh dan muka yg sangat mahal. Dan sisa uang dari perawatan dibelikan alat2 kosmetik yg ekslusif dan baju2 yg bagus sehingga ia terlihat sangat cantik didepan pria tersebut. Wanita ini berkata bahwa semua ini dia lakukan untuk membuatnya lebih menarik didepan sang pria dan karena ia sangat mencintai sang pria tersebut.
Si pria sangat terkesan.... .
Wanita 2
Wanita ini pergi membelanjakan uangnya untuk membeli peralatan golf yg bagus, baju2 pria yg mewah, dan seperangkat komputer yg canggih. Semua ini kemudian diberikan sebagai hadiah untuk sang pria. Ia berkata, ia membelanjakan semua uang tersebut untuk sang pria karena ia sangat mencintainya.
Si pria sangat terkesan.... .
Wanita 3
Wanita ini menginvestasikan uang yg diberikan sang pria ke bursa saham, dan ia mendapatkan keuntungan 2x lipat... dan ia mengembalikan uang yg diberikan kepada sang pria. Keuntungan yg diperoleh disimpannya di deposito bank atas nama mereka berdua. Dan hal tersebut ia lakukan untuk masa depan mereka berdua dan ia berkata bahwa sangat mencintai pria tersebut.
Si pria sangat terkesan.... .
Si pria berpikir sangat lama tentang keputusannya untuk menikahi wanita
yang menurutnya paling bijak dalam membelanjakan uang yg diberikannya. ..
Dan akhirnya.... ..
Ia memutuskan.. ...
Untuk menikahi wanita yg paling besar payudaranya. ...
uuuhh...
Pria tetap seorang Pria...!!
4)
Alkisah ada 3 anak putri: Vira, Voni, dan Veni yang dinikahkan
secaramassal oleh orangtuanya. Setelah itu mereka pergi bulan madu
bersamaan.
Kalau Vira pergi pulau Batam, Voni pergi ke Kepulauan Seribu dan
Veni sibungsu pergi ke Bali .
Namanya orang tua sayang sama anak, selama mereka berbulan madu kedua orang tua mereka minta dikirim kabar tentang segala yang terjadi selama
mereka berbulan madu. Tapi agar berita yang dikirim agar singkat dan tidak terlalu vulgar, mereka menggunakan kode/sandi tentang moto-moto iklan.
Dan biar praktis dan murah, disepakati pengiriman lewat SMS.
2 hari setelah kepergian anak mereka berbulan madu, diterimalah sebuah SMS.. yang rupanya dari VIRA di Pulau Batam. Isi beritanya cukup sederhana "STANDARD CHARTERED". Setelah membaca berita tersebut mereka mencari iklan Standard Chartered di koran dan terbacalah tulisan besar berbunyi
"BESAR,KUAT dan BERSAHABAT". Tersenyumlah kedua orang tua mereka membaca berita dari Vira.
Hari ke 4 datang SMS kedua, yang rupanya berasal dari Voni di Kepulauan Seribu..... Isi beritanya juga cukup singkat yaitu...NESCAFE.
Setelah membaca surat tersebut.. dengan tergesa-gesa kedua orang tua mereka mencari koran dan membaca iklan NESCAFE yang berbunyi "NIKMATNYA SAMPAI TETES TERAKHIR".
Maka kedua orang tua mereka pun tersenyum bahagia sambil sedikit
haha..hihi.
Hari ke 5 ditunggu tidak ada berita/SMS yang datang. Hari ke-6 begitu pula tidak ada sebuah SMS pun. Hari ke-7 begitu pula tidak ada kabar
dari anak bungsu mereka si Veni yang berbulan madu. Memasuki hari ke-8......
akhirnya kedua orangtua mereka menerima SMS juga dari Veni yang berbulan madu di Bali dan isi beritanya cukup singkat CATHAY PACIFIC!!!
Segera kedua orang tua mereka mencari iklan penerbangan Cathay Pacific yang ada di koran ... dan dijumpailah iklan penerbangan dengan tulisan besar "7 KALI SEMINGGU, 3 KALI SEHARI, 5 JAM NON-STOP.
Kedua orang tua tersebut langsung memanjatkan doa untuk keselamatan
anaknya yang bungsu itu.....
Scanned by the NetBox from NetBox Blue
Pemandu : "Bapak&Ibu, ini sapi dari New Zealand, sangat kuat sehari bisa 5 kali berhubungan dengan sapi betina"
Ibu-ibu sambil nyenggol Bapaknya : "Tuh ! Pak 5 kali sehari, bisa nggak...?"
Pemandu : "Bapak dan Ibu, ini sapi Australia lebih kuat lagi, sehari bisa 10 kali !"
Ibu-ibu nyenggol lagi Bapaknya : "Tuh, Pak, 10 kali ! Bayangin !!!"
Bapak-bapak semakin panas dan tanya kepada pemandu.
Bapak-bapak: "Pak ... itu 10 kali dengan betinanya yang sama apa enggak ?"
Pemandu : "Ya... beda-beda dong, Pak !"
Bapak-bapak : "Tuh, Bu ! betinanya beda-beda
2) Si Andi kecil melihat mobil papanya lewat di depan sekolah dan
parkir di dekat semak belukar. Karena rasa ingin tahu yang besar,
Andi kecil mengendap-endap mendekati mobil papanya dan melihat
papanya dan Tante Nancy saling berpelukan di balik semak-semak.
Andi terus menikmati pertunjukkan itu sampai selesai. Dan ia merasa
sangat tegang dan tidak sabar untuk menceritakan pengalamannya
pada sang Mama.
Pulang sekolah, Andi langsung mencari Mamanya di dapur dan dengan
sangat antusias mengatakan, "Ma.. tadi Andi lihat Papa dan Tante Nancy
dekat semak-semak di depan sekolah. Andi pergi ke sana dan lihat Papa
ciumin bibir Tante Nancy dan ngebuka bajunya Tante Nancy, trus Tante
Nancy juga ngebukain celananya Papa, trus Tante Nancy......"
Pada saat tersebut sang Mama langsung memotong pembicaraan dan
mengatakan, "Nak, simpan dulu ceritamu ya! Mama mau denger lagi
nanti saat makan malam. Kita pengen lihat khan gimana wajah Papa
waktu dengerin cerita kamu ??" Dan si Andi kecil-pun setuju.
Pada saat makan malam si Andi kecil mulai bercerita lagi dari awal..
"Tadi Andi lihat Papa dan Tante Nancy dekat semak-semak di depan
sekolah. Andi pergi ke sana dan lihat papa ciumin bibir Tante Nancy,
dan ngebuka bajunya Tante Nancy. Trus Tante Nancy juga ngebuka'in
celananya Papa, trus Tante Nancy dan Papa mulai melakukan hal yang
pernah dilakukan Mama sama Om Dodi waktu Papa ke luar negeri itu lho..
Mama dan Papa, "?#$%?&?@?*??#??"...
(Makanya Ma.. kalo orang lain cerita, dengerin
dulu sampai habis.... baru respon...)
3) Seorang pria mengencani 3 orang wanita dan memutuskan untuk menikahi salah satu dari mereka.... Dia memberikan suatu test untuk ketiga wanita tersebut masing-masing wanita diberikannya uang 100 juta untuk dibelanjakan dan si pria akan melihat untuk apa uang tersebut digunakan.
Wanita 1
Wanita ini pergi ke salon yang mahal, dan membelanjakan uangnya untuk perawatan2 tubuh dan muka yg sangat mahal. Dan sisa uang dari perawatan dibelikan alat2 kosmetik yg ekslusif dan baju2 yg bagus sehingga ia terlihat sangat cantik didepan pria tersebut. Wanita ini berkata bahwa semua ini dia lakukan untuk membuatnya lebih menarik didepan sang pria dan karena ia sangat mencintai sang pria tersebut.
Si pria sangat terkesan.... .
Wanita 2
Wanita ini pergi membelanjakan uangnya untuk membeli peralatan golf yg bagus, baju2 pria yg mewah, dan seperangkat komputer yg canggih. Semua ini kemudian diberikan sebagai hadiah untuk sang pria. Ia berkata, ia membelanjakan semua uang tersebut untuk sang pria karena ia sangat mencintainya.
Si pria sangat terkesan.... .
Wanita 3
Wanita ini menginvestasikan uang yg diberikan sang pria ke bursa saham, dan ia mendapatkan keuntungan 2x lipat... dan ia mengembalikan uang yg diberikan kepada sang pria. Keuntungan yg diperoleh disimpannya di deposito bank atas nama mereka berdua. Dan hal tersebut ia lakukan untuk masa depan mereka berdua dan ia berkata bahwa sangat mencintai pria tersebut.
Si pria sangat terkesan.... .
Si pria berpikir sangat lama tentang keputusannya untuk menikahi wanita
yang menurutnya paling bijak dalam membelanjakan uang yg diberikannya. ..
Dan akhirnya.... ..
Ia memutuskan.. ...
Untuk menikahi wanita yg paling besar payudaranya. ...
uuuhh...
Pria tetap seorang Pria...!!
4)
Alkisah ada 3 anak putri: Vira, Voni, dan Veni yang dinikahkan
secaramassal oleh orangtuanya. Setelah itu mereka pergi bulan madu
bersamaan.
Kalau Vira pergi pulau Batam, Voni pergi ke Kepulauan Seribu dan
Veni sibungsu pergi ke Bali .
Namanya orang tua sayang sama anak, selama mereka berbulan madu kedua orang tua mereka minta dikirim kabar tentang segala yang terjadi selama
mereka berbulan madu. Tapi agar berita yang dikirim agar singkat dan tidak terlalu vulgar, mereka menggunakan kode/sandi tentang moto-moto iklan.
Dan biar praktis dan murah, disepakati pengiriman lewat SMS.
2 hari setelah kepergian anak mereka berbulan madu, diterimalah sebuah SMS.. yang rupanya dari VIRA di Pulau Batam. Isi beritanya cukup sederhana "STANDARD CHARTERED". Setelah membaca berita tersebut mereka mencari iklan Standard Chartered di koran dan terbacalah tulisan besar berbunyi
"BESAR,KUAT dan BERSAHABAT". Tersenyumlah kedua orang tua mereka membaca berita dari Vira.
Hari ke 4 datang SMS kedua, yang rupanya berasal dari Voni di Kepulauan Seribu..... Isi beritanya juga cukup singkat yaitu...NESCAFE.
Setelah membaca surat tersebut.. dengan tergesa-gesa kedua orang tua mereka mencari koran dan membaca iklan NESCAFE yang berbunyi "NIKMATNYA SAMPAI TETES TERAKHIR".
Maka kedua orang tua mereka pun tersenyum bahagia sambil sedikit
haha..hihi.
Hari ke 5 ditunggu tidak ada berita/SMS yang datang. Hari ke-6 begitu pula tidak ada sebuah SMS pun. Hari ke-7 begitu pula tidak ada kabar
dari anak bungsu mereka si Veni yang berbulan madu. Memasuki hari ke-8......
akhirnya kedua orangtua mereka menerima SMS juga dari Veni yang berbulan madu di Bali dan isi beritanya cukup singkat CATHAY PACIFIC!!!
Segera kedua orang tua mereka mencari iklan penerbangan Cathay Pacific yang ada di koran ... dan dijumpailah iklan penerbangan dengan tulisan besar "7 KALI SEMINGGU, 3 KALI SEHARI, 5 JAM NON-STOP.
Kedua orang tua tersebut langsung memanjatkan doa untuk keselamatan
anaknya yang bungsu itu.....
Scanned by the NetBox from NetBox Blue
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)