Emergency Room Stories

HARD TO BELIEVE, BUT THESE ARE ALL TRUE STORIES FROM EMERGENCY
ROOMS AROUND THE U.S.A :

FEMALE SOFA----- A 500 lb. Woman from Illinois was examined in a
Hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under
Her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote
Control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva.
Eeewwwww.....

PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan , a man came into the ER with
Lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had '...a rat
In her privates...' which bit him during sex (not the first
Conclusion I would have drawn, I don't think). After an examination
Of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left
Inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

PING PONG ANYONE? ----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a
Stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were
Fooling around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of
Pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (you'd do the same,
I'm sure!)?!!. The concrete then hardened, (no sh*t Sherlock)!
Causing constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect
Concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong
Ball. (Boy - we live sheltered lives!)

BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER
Complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact
Lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always
Popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but
Without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the
Man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying
To rip out the membrane of his cornea. (Oh my gosh!)

OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH! ----- A couple hobbled into a Washington State
Emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his
Hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head.
They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that
Evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman
Crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man (Classy or
What??). While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused
Her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to
Side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed
Her in the head until she let go.


And you thought YOU were having a bad day!!